I've Moved

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Welp kiddies.... I've moved my blog to a new site.... www.1popup.com is now where it resides..

If anyone actually reads this, you too can have your own web log there... It's free to register and use... I won't charge anyone...

Chip/Marshall/RudeDog.... Out...

It's me again

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Hi, haven't heard from me in a long long time.... So, here is a quickie run down...

I still have a job, trying to buy the house I'm renting, still have two cars but one is broke and my parents technicly own it after taking out a loan on it so that I could pay my child support....

(deep inhale)

Still doing Above The Mat, still love doing it, added a co-host (Big Chuck Wagon), we are keepin' him... Keeping everyone else too... Show is going great, new format is working wonderfully, listener count is going up...

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Now....

The presidential race is going crappy for me....

Kerry:

I like the fact he wants to take away tax breaks for companies that send jobs overseas...

I don't like that he has always voted to dwindle down our military...

Bush:

I like that he wants to expand our military....

I don't like that he is in favor of sending jobs overseas and that he is willing to blow off the United Nations to start a war as revenge for his dad rather than search for the fuck head that actually attacked the country...

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I think I'm going to vote Zero... NetZero that is....

Ok, that is my life up to this point.... Maybe I'll speak again soon.... Maybe not...

My ideal President

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What political party supports the US? Democrats? Nope... Republicans?? And that will be an "OH HELL NO"!!!!

So what would my ideal president do?

He would bring all of our troops home and bring them home NOW... No fading them out... Just pack up and come home... And I don't mean just Iraq.... I mean world wide... Shut down all the military bases that are NOT located on US soil... Hell, we have enough abandoned bases here that we can reopen and use... Screw the rest of the world... I want a president that wants to protect us... Not protect other countries.... If they can't fend for themselves, they have the problem... Not us... When another country attacks our soil, go in there and blow the living shit out of them... Show them WHY they made a mistake... And don't rebuild them after we kick the shit out of them.. If another country attacks our soil, they don't have to pay us... Fuck them...

Bin Ladin attacked our soil... Go kick his ass... We know where he is, but because he didn't offend daddy, he isn't our concern... Fuck that... Go kill the bastard and anyone dumb enough to think they can protect him... And so what if he kills himself... One less bullet wasted, I say...

How about this 87 billion we are supposed to be spending in Iraq... I can think of millions of AMERICANS that can use that money.... For food, good medical care, housing... 87 billion to rebuild a country that don't want us around... Fuck that... Spend that 87 billion right here...

Then there is Porto Rico.... Stupid little island... They voted not to become 51st state in the Union.... So why are we still there treating them like American's and giving them the same bennifits that American citizens get? More money down the tubes that could be well spent on American citizens.... Tell them how it is... Either become a state of this great Union or see ya later muchachos.... Enjoy your poor pitiful life... I'll bet if we told them that, they would suddenly want to become a state...

What about this nuclear issue.... It's ok for us to have them, but if anyone else does, they are a threat to our security... Look, with today's technology, we could re-aim our nukes and fire them within minutes of them firing on us.... And they know we can... Let's see... A country just developed 5 nukes... We have millions... Umm... I don't see that country as a threat to me... All we have to do is make it known that we can shove 10 times as many nukes down their throat if they try to fire even one at us...

Oil... We have an endless supply at our finger tips from our own country, yet we don't even try to tap it... Instead, we allow ourselves to be a slave to the Arabic countries.... They raise prices just to make some money... How much do you want to bet that if we told them that we are no longer going to buy oil from them cause they can't seem to keep the price of their oil down, they lower it.... I would imagine that a country as big as ours would put a HUGE dent in foriegn oil sales if we stopped importing it.... Foriegn oil companies would lose money if we pulled out... And they would still make money if they just lowered prices... Hell, we could even TELL them that we refuse to pay more than so much a barrel and they would have no choice but to oblige... Arabic fuckers....

Ok, so the run down is...

Fuck the rest of the world, worry about the United States of America and NO PLACE ELSE!!!! Easy enough....

Chip/RudeDog/Marshall

Where have I been?

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Wow, I haven't been here in a long time.... But, I have something to talk about now so I'm going too...

I've been thinking about the presidential election coming up and wondering who I'm going to vote for... And yes, I will be voting...

President Bush seems to have it in for Iraq for some reason... Prolly cause Saddam made his dad look like a fool... All this talk about weapons of mass destruction, then when he couldn't find any, there was talk about links to al quida (sqelling)...

That didn't pan out, so he used the way he treated his people....

Well, I'm sorry, but that isn't for us to decide when he gets taken out... It's up to his people to get rid of him...

Don't get me wrong, I don't like the guy.. But did we have reason to destroy Iraq? No..

Now what's happening? We are losing americans everyday... Americans that are there, not to defend the US, but there to do Bush's dirty work.... Iraq didn't threaten us...

And what about the al quida.... What about bin ladin? Why aren't we hearing about how we are doing everything we can to find him... I mean come on.... This guy attacked us on our own soil.... This should be our number 1 priority... When we get his scent, we should be sending 100,000 troops to check that scent out.... Not a couple of troops.... They say he is staying in a lawless part of the middle east.. So what, get in there and find out... Blow away any group that is harboring him... Screw Iraq....

Look... Most of the middle east don't like us and don't want anything to do with us in their country.... Fine, let's pull out... They don't want our help, why should we force it down their throat...

Over in Iraq we are dying for Iraqis that don't want us there.... TAKE THE HINT!!! LET THEM MOTHER FUCKERS KILL THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF US!!!!

Why don't I like Bush... Because he is vindictive...

I'm voting for Kerry.. I don't like him either, but Bush has fucked us enough..

Chip

Once in a while

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A day comes along that makes me remember why I'm still on this earth...

I took my son Pat to the NASCAR race at Michigan International Speedway last Sunday.... We had a BLAST.... It was his first NASCAR event... I'm so glad that I was the one to take him...




Adam was bugging me to go.... I felt bad telling him no, but I didn't have another ticket for him... So, I told him he wasn't old enough....

I think next year I'm going to take both Adam and Pat.... Adam cheered up when I got home with his Tony Stewart hat though...

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While I was trying to have a good time with Pat, I called Jenny a couple times in the morning and she was already fed up with the kids... Not sure if she realized it or not, but she was laying one hell of a guilt trip on me.... So, I decided not to call again and planned on not answering any calls from her... I was trying to have fun with Pat...

Then, after I get home.... This is after 3.5 hours of driving starting at 1:30 am (and I was up all day to boot), spent the entire day at the track.... Sunburnt to hell... Got back to Pat's house at 9pm or so.... Then drove for another 2 hours to get home... And she complains because SHE is tired... I just rolled over and went to sleep...

I guess I'm not allowed to have a long day... Over 24 hours with no sleep and SHE is complaining about being tired... I just rolled over and went to sleep...

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Welp, guess it's bedtime... Gotta get up early and go hide from the FOC fucker... I really hope our morgage goes through sometime really really soon....

Chip

In Loving Memory

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ALTER BRIDGE

"In Loving Memory"

Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly

I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
And ill come home and I miss your face so
Smiling down on me
I close my eyes to see

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
Your were as kind as you could be
And even though you're gone
You still mean the world to me

I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
It feels empty and alone
I can't believe you're gone

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

I'm glad he set you free from sorrow
I'll still love you more tomorrow
And you will be here with me still

And what you did you did with feeling
And You always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me


[Thanks to Creedlife84@yahoo.com for these lyrics]

I love you Jodi... I'll be with you again one day..

Getting Sick

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I don't want to be here any more... I'm getting sick... Sick of being here...

My kids can't keep their hands off of anything....

Finding clothes for myself is a major job... I have to dig through PILES and PILES of kids clothes and Jenny's clothes just to find a fucking shirt.... Finding a pair of socks in this place is a major accomplishment in my life....

Can't find my shoes.... The kids moved them...

I'm just sick of it....

Sick of going to bed at night to a back..... Sick of hearing complaints about not coming to bed earlier.... What do I have to go to bed for.... Stare at a back.... woooohoooo..... That's my kind of fun...

Sick of hiding.... Sick of running.... Sick of feeling...... Sick of not feeling.... Sick of being here..... Sick of liv..................................

I'm sick of this blogger not working at all....

Here I am

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It's been a very long time since I've been here.... Many things have come about in the last couple weeks.... I've had my highs and my lows...

High - I finally had my kids... God I missed them.... I didn't realize just how much I missed them until I seen them.... I can't thank Kurt enough for what he put himself through to help me pay for my night.... It allowed me to get my kids WAY early and spend some great time with them...

Low - My grandfather died last night... What really sets it low for me though is that I'm not sure I'm sad about it... My grandfather and I were never close what so ever.... Ok, I've had enemies that were closer.... It's not that we didn't get along.... I just didn't really know him even though our family spent a lot of time with my grandparents... Now I'm going to be a palbarrer at his funeral for someone I really don't know...

Low - My uncle was over there (it was his dad) while I went to see my grandma.... Her I am close to... But, because of the situation, I have to be civil.... Aside from my mom and dad, no one else knows about what happened to me.... This just isn't the time to bring this subject up to the rest of the family....

Low - I have to deal with my uncle throughout the funeral... I have a feeling that it will not be a good thing to do...

High - I seen my kids last week..........

Kids

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Aren't kids grand?

I was on my way to work yesterday when Kurt called my on the cell and asked me if I wanted a trip to Toledo....

Well, hell yes I took it.... And, on the way back, I stopped by to see my kids from my ex-wife... I haven't seen them in over a year and damn it.... It was great to see them.... Hell, as a matter of fact, they came home with me LMAO.... I have them until Sunday....

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Above The Mat is going to be coming back on August 15th... Should be good.... I hope so.... I really do love that show, but it just isn't attracting the listener base I was hoping for....

Rob says he will pay for the advertisement I've been giving him for free all this time to help with phone bills.... And we have another guy that wants to advertise on the show... A morgage company.... wierd eh?

Supposably, we are going to start getting more guest on the show.... Hell, I've been trying to tell these guys that for a year or so....

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Kurt and I will be broadcasting a nascar race in September..... LMAO... An online race with a nascar racing game.... Not the real nascar.... Should be fun....

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I'm happy today.... I have my kids.... The show is being planned out for our restart.... Life is good right now... Right now....

Chip / Marshall

One little, two little.....

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I finally got to talk to my kids from my first wife the other day.... God did it feel good to hear their voices again... I've missed them sooooo much... I'm going to see them on Friday.... I can't wait....

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Chip

It's Official

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I have issues... With myself.... With my kids... With my show.... With my life....

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Bloggers and their purposes

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This is to all of you that feel this is an open forum...

A blog (or journal) isn't like a diary...  Mean to be private...  But, at the same time, it is exactly like a diary... 

A place to put your thoughts.... 
A place to vent without actually jumping into someone's face....
A place to just write it all down and get it out of your system...

Things writen in a blog are not always the best way to say things and may not be entirely correct....  But it is what is on the writer's mind at the time... 

You don't go to your blog and write down your feelings and thoughts, then go back and proof read it for spelling or political correctness....  If you want to do that, write a novel...  Stop writing blogs....

Everything I have ever writen here is what was in my mind at that time.....  I write it as I think it...  I don't edit it and I don't care who it hurts....  I say I don't care, because normally it is something I would otherwise repress in order to keep peace....  But this is my mind....  What is read on these pages are in my head at the time of writing...  More for me to get it off my shoulders so that I can continue on with my life and feel better without going to someone and saying something I may regret...

Long time no see

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Boy, been a long time since I've been here....

But...  I haven't had nothing really to talk about until now...  I guess...

I mean, my life at home has been good....  My gaming has been good....  My work has been normal....

And, until now....  ATM has been good....

You see, when it comes time for us to do an on-location show, I end up doing most of the work... 

I mean, I feel that I should pack everything and hook it all up so that I know it's done correctly...  But I don't normally get help unless I bitch about it....

Our show with TZW, Vic helped me....  Kurt has an injured back and Brooklyn was at work, but that is because I have been complaining lately....

I don't know, I guess I just need to find a way to make it easier on me....  I want to start putting together some very cheap computers so that I don't have to packup my computer room....  That way I have everything ready to go, just load it into the truck and go...

I think what really did me in is Sunday - the 25th - I was tired....  It's partly my own fault, but I was just too tired to do anything....  I don't blame anyone but myself....  Brooklyn's mom (my aunt) just had brain surgery and Brooklyn went to pick her up and bring her home....  Kurt is injured....  And Vic doesn't have a ride to get where he needs to...

I got to bed very late Friday night (23rd) and had to be up very early Saturday to pack up the truck for the TZW show....  Vic came and helped.....  What didn't help was the fact that we didn't know how Vic was getting to the show...  I mean, Kurt usually only has himself, his wife, and his one son....  But this time they also took his daughter and her boyfriend... 

Well, rather than telling anyone why he couldn't ride with them, Kurt's wife just said there wasn't enough room.....  Kurt, rather than asking why, just agreed and said that Vic had to find his own way...  It took me actually asking Kurt why for him to finally ask his wife why.... 

Anyway, I couldn't take Vic because of having my wife and only a regular cab pickup truck....  Vic had his son with him, which is what made it harder to get him a ride...  I can't have 4 people in the front of my truck....

Now, Kurt's van has seating for 7....  Not sure why he wouldn't have fit with them since they only had 5 people....  But that would mean Ann would be helping someone less fortunate than herself and that is against her rules...  Well, most times it appears that way anyway...  She also says that they had Kurt's computer in the van too.... 

Brooklyn ended up taking him in her 7 passenger van....  As a matter of fact...  It's the same kind of van....

She took herself, Vic, Vic's son, her two daughters, and her son....  That's 6 people....  On the way home, it was all the same people AND my two computers, my mixers, my cordless screwdriver case, and a couple other odds and ends....  And still had room for one more person....  Imagine that....

Another thing that erks me while we are on the subject is the fact that Kurt and his wife will bug Vic for gas money to go somewhere they are going whether he goes or not....  Vic doesn't have much money....  Quite a bit less, as a matter of fact, than the rest of us....  Like when Kurt started going to Flint to help another wrestler train some guys....  He invited Vic to go with him and then wanted gas money....  He, of all people, knows that Vic can't afford to help with gas....  And besides, Vic didn't ask to go along....  He was invited.....  Ann doesn't like taking him with them because he doesn't help with gas money...  She says that they can't afford to be taking him with them everywhere....  Of coarse, they are going to the same place whether he rides with them or not....  Maybe if they would stop trying to live a life they can't afford, they would be better off...  I'm sure Kurt will be pissed at me for this, but I'm sick of listening to them complain about helping Vic....  And to be quite honest, it's Ann complaining then Kurt putting his tail between his legs and going along with her whether she is right or wrong....  Which is wrong because of Vic being a very long time good friend to Kurt....

I think Kurt is a great person, just likes the good life that he can't really afford....  Who doesn't....  I just hate seeing him not stick up for his friends....  People that have been in his life for a long time....  And Vic has been in his life longer than anyone other than his immediate family....  I do realize people have to make sacrafices for family, but he takes the wrong ones...  Like the time Vic needed help with just storing some stuff....  Ann had wanted him pay money to put stuff in their big empty basement....  I can remember a time when Kurt wasn't about material things....  It's a shame....

I mean, I'm no saint....  I complained when I was picking up Vic all the time to go to Brooklyn's house when we did our show there...  But, my complaints were more to the fact that I was the only to do it at the time....  Hell, money is tight at my house too....  I like to live a life I can't afford, but I go about it differently....  I put things on lay-a-way rather than paying double or more through rent-to-own places....  I buy my most expensive stuff at tax time....  (I did talk them into buying a computer at tax time rather than rent to owning it)  Jenny wins a lot of our toys at work, we don't pay for them....  I also live with less....  I don't have to have digital cable with support for an HDTV....  I use hand me down furnature.....  My computer was purchased at tax time then slowly built into the machine I wanted over the last two years...  Jenny's computer is nothing more than parts from my old computer with a couple minor upgrades....  I also have another computer that I got from a friend in Maine.....  But the only money I have into that is the 40.00 for shipping....  We just bought a pool with some bonus money Jenny got from work that we wouldn't have been able to otherwise afford....  We don't have to have newer vehicals...  We are content with the old ones we have....  We buy them at tax time so the we can afford to purchase a decent one....  We don't care about what they look like as long as they run decent and don't need a lot of work...  But, I have never asked Vic for money....  When I was going out of my way to pick him up, when he was going to the same place that I was going, when he needed to stop places when I was giving him a ride....  I help him as much as I can and in return, he helps me when I need it...   I've never asked him to help me with ATM cost because I know he can't afford it, but he still does....  Actually, the only time I've ever asked anyone for money is when Kurt spilled pop in my mixer....  I used that money to help pay for a new one and then to pay for the stuff I needed to fix the first one...  And then for part of that money, rather than give Kurt a tip at work, I just knocked large amounts off the mixer....  (I actually feel kinda bad for making him pay for the mixer only to find out I can fix it)

Brooklyn doesn't complain about taking Vic with her...  At least not out loud...  She tries to help when she can... 

Anyway, jumped WAAAAAAAAAAY off subject....  But that happens when I get to talking about Ann....  I really do wish I like her more than I do, but I see the way she treats people....  I mean just because Vic can't afford to help with gas to go somewhere they are going anyway, she complains....  Stupid....  She needs to learn how to be sensitive while getting her point accross and to be a little bit generous with people that have less than she does....  She might just find that someone that is good with kids and knows how to fix things might be willing to help her in return....

Wow do I feel a little better than I did yesterday....

I was talking about how I had no sleep LMAO....  How did I get onto this kick....  Anyway....  I worked all night after returning from TZW and got 3 hours sleep to wake up to my wife complaining about needing help....  I just turned and looked at all the computer equipment I had to haul outside and setup and figure out how to get power to it, turned over and went back to sleep for a half hour...  I can see her point too....  I mean hell, she asked for a little help with food only to be told that someone had to watch their kid....  Then turned around and gave the kid to the father and go to the store....  Why couldn't that person do that same thing or possibly take the baby into the house with her....  My wife had to prepare all the food that this person ate while also watching our two youngest kids... 

I doubt I'll be holding BBQ's for a long time because of the lack of help my wife received...  I know I could have helped, but I was also setting up my own stuff....  I yelled when I could at the kids...

I think I'm gonna go now that I have probably pissed off a couple people....  But that is ok....  I feel better now and might just be willing to get back into the show much soon that I had originally thought.... 

I did end up having fun last night though....  Vic hung out for a bit and helped with the clean up...  We played some dice, then my buddy Kenny Boluska showed up and we ran some euchre for a couple hours....  LMAO, I don't think we came in until about 11pm last night....  Kenny, not even knowing Vic, drove out of his way and took him home....

My night ended up pretty good....  Now to see how today becomes....

Chip / Marshall

Velvet Revolver

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A bro of mine came up with this tune called "Velvet Revolver"... Sweet ass tune...

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I went off on a good friend of mine today.... I feel bad about it... But I also can't back down from my stand...

See, I have a friends that hosts a very popular website with me... When my partner does updates to the server it messes with this other guys photo gallery... Well, he decided he needed to off on me about it tonight and I basically punched him in the ear and told him where to go and how to get there...

Horses are at the stable...

I'm so sick of everyone expecting me to know what to do at the drop of a hat... I'm sick of people expecting me to do it right now... I'm sick of people... I just want to go out and tell them where to go, how to get there, and if they need a ride, call a cab...

Not everyone does this to me, but a vast majority of people do... I'm just sick of it....

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Above The Mat did an on-location show this week... Show went pretty good I thought... Got some nice setup footage for our upcoming DVD.... next thing to get is Kurt, Vic, and I together for our 2nd reminance show.... This is hopefully going to be ready shortly after our 2nd year anniversary of ATM... Man, 2 years of these guys almost every Sunday... It's hard to believe we have been doing this show for that long..

It has always been our moto that if we started to think of ATM as a job, we would quit... Althought the show itself is a total blast to do, the preparation for it sometimes feels like a job to me... I've been slacking on mixing stuff and upgrades because of that feeling... But once we sit down and start our entrance theme... It is no longer a job... It's fun...

I can't wait for the DVD to come out so people that weren't there in the beginning to hear what we were like LMAO...

Hmm.... I guess I should do a picture timeline also...

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Chip / Marshall

Dear Sheila

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Hi, I realize this is rather strange.... Getting a letter from me... But I have a lot to say..

First, get your girls away from your husband...

Your husband, Charlie, molested me when I was about 5... Sheila, I realize this is a lot to take in, but he did... He did some bad things to me and made me do some bad things...

You can hate me.... You can deny what I'm saying.... But it's true... I swear on my sister's grave it's true.... I'm not the only one too.... I'm not at liberty to say who else... That is up to them, but I'm not alone...

I have no intention of going after him legally... It's probably too late for that... But I refuse to be quiet about it anymore.... This has been tearing me up for 30 years and I can't live it anymore.... I refuse to live with it...

You do what you want with this information Sheila.... But get your kids away from him before it's too late..

Chip

Dear Jodi

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Dear Jodi,

Hi... I haven't talked to you in a very long time... I didn't forget you, I've just been busy... Busy with nothing.... Busy with everything...

I finally opened up about that deep dark secret that you and I held for so long.... I told mom about Charlie and what he did to me....

She actually had the nerve to ask me why I didn't say anything... I think that I finally got it through her thick skull that she was very abusive and I was afraid of her... That we were afraid of her...

She did, however, believe me.... It seems that the same thing happened to other members of our family and it was just brushed under the rug.... This person wants to talk to me now.... I don't know if I can... I'm scared Jodi.... But at the same time, I'm pissed... I'm relieved... But most of all.... I'm scared...

I'm scared members of our family won't believe me.... I know some do... I've been talking to Nicki.... She's helping a bit... It's good to have someone to talk to.. But I know that others will tell me that I'm crazy because I'm male... Charlie would never do that, they will say....

Jodi, I miss you so very much.... I miss having my best friend around to help me with my problems... I miss having you there to tell me everything will be ok.... I miss having you here to tell me how much of a fuck up I am....

I'll be with you again one day.... Not one day soon... My life is starting now that I am finally working on putting my past behind me.... I have many good years left in me.... But one day....

I love you sis...

Chip

It's been a while

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I haven't been here in a while and a lot has happened in my life...

Let's start with home....

Well, actually... Things are going good here... The wife and I do our little bickering, but hey, isn't that what marrage is all about? LMAO...

We took a weekend trip to her mom's (which will get me into another story as RudeDog) so Jenny could see her sister from New Mexico... She only get's to see her once a year... BUT!!!! She talks to her all the time...

I hate going down there actually... I love her parents, but I don't like them... I don't fit into their "clique"... Basically, if your name is not Tina or Darryl, you are number 2 or lower in their list...

My sister-in-law, Tina, is a spoiled brat and can't stand the fact that my mom-in-law might look at another grandchild... Any time someone comes around, Tina has to be there shoving her kids into her mom's face... And they see each other every day... Before she moved by mommy (a block down the road mind you), if she even thought we were going to visit, she was quick to drive there too so that her mommy couldn't pay attention to any other kids but her own...

Well anyway, the way Jenny's mom treated all the grandkids when Tina was around was wrong... It had Jenny crying...

And to top it all off, Jenny's mom promised her this puppy.... She kept up her story until we got there... Then it turned into "we aren't sure what we are doing".... We just gave up then... Bitch...

Well, the mom-in-law managed to piss off Lisa and her husband too... They already said that they will NOT be coming up here next year... And I don't blame them... I really don't want to go down to the in-laws either...

So, Lisa and Jenny are working on a vacation with the four of us and our kids for next year... Probably Florida or something.... Disney World....

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I talked to my mom today.... Yup, she now knows what happened to me and who did it... Come to find out, he had raped another cousin of mine.... He got away with it... It might be too late to do anything legally about it, but this guy has two little girls of his own now... I would really hate to see anything happen to them... I will NOT be quiet about this now that it is out of the bag...

I WILL be making sure my entire family knows within the week.... Guess I won't be going to anymore functions...

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On the gaming side of the world, 2s and Playa are fighting... I stuffed my nose into it and told them both to fuck off... So, now 2s is pissed at me... Trying to say that he's paying and not allowing Playa any hosting... Well, I'm sorry, but as far as I knew it was a team vote and not a one man vote... So, I stuck my nose in and reminded him.... Oh well.... I"ll just keep doing what I do..

Chip / RudeDog

Second Level

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The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Drama

---

Some times I wish I were a kid again... This way, when the big people start acting the age I wish I was, I wouldn't be so disgusted...

I'm watching one guy toss out a multi-year friendship because his new friend that does drugs with him is a piss ant... This guy I'm talking about is acting like one of his grandchildren.... Yes, he is that old...

I like this place... I get to speak my mind about stuff...

Ok, I watched friend A start a business... Accquaintance A said he would help for a small fee... Then accquaintance A finds out that he could be making more money doing the same thing.... So this A decided he is going to breach his contract and demand more money...

Now aquaintence A and friend B are good friends since way back... Way back a couple months ago way back... So.... Friend B is gonna pee in his diaper and start yelling at friend A... Now friend A and B are both friends too...

Or were...

So, now friend B is gonna start in on me...

Indirectly...

At first, I was listening to both sides of the story and keeping my tounge out of it... But now friend B wants to try some silly shit and try to claim he is the only one that ever put money into our little gaming site that friends A, B, C, and me started... When in actuality, I have money into it and so does friend A..

Nope, sorry, not gonna happen....

So I told friend B, in a not so mean way, that isn't happening.. He wants to start charging everyone for the free sites HE offered them... Geez... I flat out told him that we aren't doing that and there is nothing he can do about it... I started recently making our server payments to take some of the burden off of him, but now it's more because I don't want him out of the picture anymore...

So, in short, I'm still friends with A and C... B can go get bent... And as far as aquaintance A.. Who cares...

I don't...

Did you get all that? Hope so...

RudeDog

Work work work

---

Fuckin'... Kurt Kaoss.... heh, just had to say it..

--------

Anyway, work was alright... Pissed at Ed though... Fucker said he would work for me for a few mondays and somehow forgot... Then said he couldn't come in cause his wife wasn't home... What the fuck kind of excuse is that?

LMAO, I had one fare that was called in by the police dept.... Man, I could use more like that.... 35.00 tip... Shit brotha... started out as a 6 dollar tip... then the dude handed me a ten and told me to keep that too.... He asked for a light and I figured he paid for the lighter, so I told him to keep it.... So he handed me another 20.00.... Ok... I'm gonna start giving out .89 lighters LMAO...

I also drove the only car that has the new rates in place... Made some money last night... The south side shuffle will almost be bearable now...

Almost...

I'm going to bed....

Chip

Jenny

Allow yourself to reflect upon the following questions basing your answers on a current or recent relationship.

This is not a quiz or test. There is no passing or failing grade. The purpose of the following questions is to stimulate your mind, heart and soul. Take an honest objective look at yourself, to recognize your strengths and your weaknesses in your relationships, but most important to take a good hard look at yourself and see how you can enhance the love in your life.

• Are you happy with the way you and your partner handle household responsibilities?
  Not really... She does most of the house work and I do most of the bitching... Not fair, but I'm lazy...
  
  
• Do you express your honest feelings to your partner?
  Most times... Only time I have a hard time with being honest is when it will be hurtful to her...
  
  
• Do you want to improve things in your relationship, but don't know where to begin?
  Yes
  
  
• Do you give others the "silent treatment"?
  Yes
  
  
• Do you think that one partner's judgement is more important than the other's?
  Hmmm.. Depends on what we are talking about.
  
  
• Do you find yourself constantly working to get love, affection and intimacy from your partner?
  Love and intimacy? No... Affection? Yes...
  
  
• Do you shy away from conflict with your partner?
  Nope
  
  
• When you talk to your partner about your relationship, do you feel supported and understood?
  Most times...
  
  
• Do you give in too quickly to end an argument?
  Oh hell no...
  
  
• Are you moody or do you have a bad temper?
  I think no, but everyone has their days...
  
  
• Are you the jealous type?
  OH MY!!!! Very much so...
  
  
• Is there one person in your relationship that wants sex much more often than the other?
  Yup... Me...
  
  
• Do you believe good relationships have no conflict?
  A conflict free relationship is a fake relationship..
  
  
• Do others complain that you spend too much or too little?
  Too much...
  
  
• Who compromises more often, you or your partner?
  My wife...
  
  
• Have you become emotionally cold and numb inside?
  No...
  
  
• Are you content with your physical appearance?
  NO!!!
  
  
• Does your partner try to control or change you?
  No...
  
  
• Does your partner sexually fulfill you?
  If I was content with mostly at night, in bed, and the lights out... Yes... But I'm not... A surprise once in a while would be nice... But, she does know how to satisfy me very well...
  
  
• Do you fulfill your partner's sexual needs?
  No... Wish I could, but I can't seem to...
  
  
• Do you trust your partner?
  Yes...
  
  
• Does your partner have all the qualities you consider important in a mate?
  YES!!!
  
  
• At times, is your partner too overbearing?
  No....
  
  
• Is your partner living up to his/her potential?
  And them some...
  
  
• Do you feel that your partner is distant from you even when you are lying beside them in bed?
  Sometimes, but I know it's my insecurities that make me feel that way...
  
  
• Do you and your partner frequently argue but fail to resolve your differences?
  I don't think so.. We get along great as far as I'm concerned...
  
  
• Was your parent's relationship close and happy?
  Yes..
  
  
• Are you happy with the way you and your partner handle financial issues?
  No... But I have no say in how it's handled since she makes the most money and pays the bills...
  
  
• Have you considered leaving your partner (or have you and your partner talked about separating)?
  I have left my wife before... And regreted every second I was gone...
  
  
• Is your partner dependable?
  Very much so...
  
  
• Does your partner ever exclude you from decision making?
  Never...
  
  
• Do you feel responsible when you are in conflict with your partner?
  If I know I'm in the wrong, yes...
  
  
• Do you ask for what you need from others?
  Sometimes....
  
  
• Is your partner an optimist or a pessimist?
  I can't say...
  
  
• Is there physical closeness and intimacy in your relationship?
  Yes
  
  
• Does your partner embarrass you in public?
  No...
  
  
• Do angry outbursts and arguments occur when you and your partner discuss things ­ calm discussions seem impossible?
  Hardly ever unless I'm joking with her... But I can't say never...
  
  
• Do you wonder where the love you and your partner used to show toward one another has gone?
  She doesn't show love.. Never really has.... I used to, but got sick of giving and never getting affection...
  
  
• Do you and your partner communicate well?
  I think so..
  
  
• Does your partner constantly criticize you?
  Never...
  
  
• Do you believe romantic love fades with time?
  Nope, only gets more creative...
  
  
• Do you and your partner argue about every little thing?
  No....
  
  
• Can you be affectionate with your partner without it leading to sex?
  I can... But she always seems to think that all I want is sex when being affectionate...
  
  
• Do you and your partner set aside special time to be together?
  No...
  
  
• Do you ever seek the comfort from sources other than your partner (i.e.: from family, television, drugs, Internet friends, casual sexual encounters)?
  I have, but that leads to trouble and I've caused enough of that...
  
  
• Do you ever neglect your relationship because of work or social responsibilities?
  I don't think so...
  
  
• Is television an important part of your leisure time?
  No..
  
  
• Are you jealous when your partner spends time with others?
  Yes..
  
  
• How often do you go out on dates with your partner?
  Not near as much as I would like.... But that is mostly because of babysitter or money issues or lack of either...
  
  
• Do you and your partner take the time to enjoy recreational activities with one another?
  Only the ones we both like... Like CoD LMAO...
  
  
• How much time do you devote to your partner daily?
  No much...
  
  
• How often do you go on a vacation or on special getaways alone with your partner?
  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... We wish...
  
  
• Does your family interfere with your relationship?
  No...
  
  
• Does your partner spend too much time with family and friends?
  No...
  
  
• How do you prioritize the following four items (with # 1 being your top priority)?
  4 - Your career (Job)
  3 - Your partner
  1 - Your family (including children)
  2 - Yourself
  

---------

Over the years I have put my wife through an emotional hell.. Yet, she keeps wanting me back...

I used to throw emotional bricks at her and have even hit her square in the head with 3 of them... She just tosses them aside and loves me...

Have I learned my lesson? That's a good question... I sincerely hope so... She tries so hard to make me happy, yet in the past I have tossed her aside and left like she was nothing to me...

In reality.. I love her with every ounce of love I can give... She has been nothing but good to me... Given me whatever I wanted... And for what? Nearly nothing in return... All she has ever asked of me is to love her back...

I have cheated on my wife three times... First was drunken retardation on my part that ended up producing a child.. Second was because of my need for affection that someone else was willing to give when she wouldn't... And the third was not a sexual relationship, but emotional... A friendship that got out of hand...

I regret all three.. I wish I could take them back... But I can't.. All I can do now is do everything in my power to win my wife's full ability to love me back... I'm sure I'll never regain her trust.. But that is something I will live with... All I want is for her to love me as she once did...

After the last time, she had a discussion (according to her) with another man.. This tore me up.. Still does when I think about it... I can't help but wonder if she told me the full truth about him... If all she did was talk to him on the internet... I mean hell, he only lives down the street a few city blocks... I don't know why I dwell on it.... I don't have any right to... But I do.... I can't help but think that she did let him come over and let something happen as revenge...

I mean, I trust her and believe her when she says that nothing happened and she never even told him where we live... But I go over what she told me again and again and find flaws in her story... Or maybe I'm finding flaws that aren't really there...

I also think that one of her friends convinced her that it was ok to get revenge and brought someone over or babysat while she went some where with someone.... But again, that is just my jealous side getting the best of me... I hope... She is secretive about talking to this friend.. She says it is because she knows I don't like her friend, but I think it is just an excuse... I've never stopped her from talking to this girl or said that she couldn't come over here... And this friend just happens to be the revengeful type...

I don't know... I should just stop thinking about it...

I really should...

All I have ever wanted from my wife is some playful affection like I used to do to her... I used to walk up to her and just get grabby... I can't help it... I like what I see... I like to touch... It just makes me feel that she doesn't feel the same way.... It hurts...

A lot...

I have told her this... Many times.. I've told her it makes me feel that she doesn't want me as much as I want her...

It seems to me that she seems to think all I want is sex... If she gives me that, then I will be happy... But that isn't all I want... Sure, sex is great... But I also like playful petting, or teasing... I would like to see her pull me away from a game and damn near rape me... And yes... I have told her all this too...

She says she is too shy... Afraid of rejection...

You would think that after 7 years and three kids, that this wouldn't be a problem...

You would think...

I think it is just an excuse... I think she does the things that does because she feels obligated... I don't want to be an obligation... The others didn't make me feel like an obligation... That's why what happened with them happened... I was wanted... And I liked the feeling... To be wanted... To be lusted after...

I know she loves me... I just wish she wanted me... Like I want her... I mean really want me... Not just want me enough to make me happy...

--------

Chip

Field Day Woes

---

Field Day was ok... I had more fun setting up actually than I did playing radio... Don't get me wrong, I love radio... But Field Day is about contesting and I am just NOT a contester... I would rather have a long conversation with someone than try to get points.. To me, that's not what radio is about...

But, otherwise it was a good time... I talked my close friend Rich into coming out.. He hasn't been around ham radio in a while... Was good to see him get into it..

Rich wants us to get our club to run Field Day next year... So, I guess I'm gonna have to learn CW so that I can upgrade the club call since I am the trustee of it...

---------

I also had a lot of time to think over the weekend and have thought even more about telling my mom everything... But, the closer I get to actually doing it, the more I find myself in denial about who did it to me.. I mean, I know who it is, I just start thinking "what if it wasn't that person"... I should probably get to talking to my mom before I start going into denial about what happened to me...

---------

We also dropped doing the ATM show this week... This will give us 2 weeks off from the show... Kind of a needed break... Next week my family is going to my in-laws... My sister-in-law will be coming up from New Mexico... Her and my wife are very close...

I really don't like going down there... It's rather boring to me... I tend to take off over to Tom's place and do some gaming... But that gets boring too... Maybe I'll just go down and hang out... I dunno... I mean, I'll go to Tom's on Saturday, but I'll spend Sunday with the family..

We are getting a puppy too..



YAY!!!
^^^
That was sarcasm...

Actually, we aren't supposed to be having any animals at our place... We already have a cat that we aren't supposed to have...

Oh well...

Chip / Marshall

Field Day, Here we come..

---

Welp... Kurt, Dick, and I are getting ready to head out for a weekend of HAM RADIO!!!!

We are going to one of the biggest events in the nation for ham radio called Field Day! Should be a blast... I probably won't post here until Sunday, so...

Saw ya!

Chip

Sleepy Sleep

---

Man am I tired... But that age old question has been haunting me again.... Why?

I've started considering talking to my mom again about my past.. I'm having a very hard time with holding this in anymore and just want burst at the seems....

I have, however, been frequenting a support forums site and with learning that I'm not alone helps... But what really helps is knowing I'm not the only male in the world this has happened to...

My brain isn't frying over this today... Can't you tell? I'm not my usual creative self that I turn into when I'm dwelling on something soooo much that my head hurts... I really think that site is a little help...

Reading post from other people that have gone through what I have gone through and showing the same personality I have... I thought I was doing a good job of forgetting.. I'm finding out that the way I am is linked to what happened to me as a 5 year old.. I'm finding this out because I'm seeing others that have done or are doing the exact same thing I have...

I know that here I have yet to say what happened to me... I'm also sure anyone that has read this knows just by what they have read... I make the words between the lines really stand out and smack a mofo without actually typing them.. Maybe, one day I will type the words here... I really really want to.... But my fingers just won't do it... My brain is telling them to, but they just can't seem to find the keys...

One day.....

---

Well, on another front... As the team turns is coming right along... Playa has managed to piss off everyone but me... I don't know how... Well, him and World... They will get over it.. I hope...

2s... All Playa did was refuse to look at a picture.. Geez....

BigMark... Long story... I don't know both sides, so I can't really form an opinion..

But, Playa likes to call me and keep me informed LOL... I don't mind.. I like hearing the latest scoop...

Ok, enough of that... Bedtime...

Hey Kurt!!! See that hairy spot by daddy's ass????

Chip / RudeDog

Something about close friends

---

Even though I was a bit bummed out at Kurt, I found out one thing.... He really is a close friend...

I took a movie over to the cab company and we both had a good time watching and even did a little talking about our past... Maybe we were bragging LMAO...

Can't stay mad at him if I wanted to....

Chip

What the fuck!

---

Man.... I got out of work early because of the brakes in the car I was driving... Kurt was pretty bummed out at me for doing it too...

I mean, what the hell?? Am I supposed to drive a car that is on the virge of losing its brakes? Am I supposed be worried about the next time I stop? I am supposed to have a mechanically sound car... Not one that I have to wonder if I'm going to be able to stop in the next time I push the brakes.... And what about the customer...

The dispatchers are more worried about getting the customer picked up in a timely fashion than they are the safety of the customer or driver... If something is wrong with the safety equipment in a car.... PARK IT!!!!!

THEN!!! Then he wanted me to get into a car that has problem with the windshield wipers... A car that someone else got out of because the wipers weren't even touching the windshield.... If the weather called for a clear night, that would not have been a problem.... But no.... We were under a severe thunderstorm warning and it had been raining on and off like a bitch...

So yes... Let's get out of a car that we might not be able to stop and get in a car that we won't be able to see the road in...

Sure, I'm missing out on money... But I would rather miss out on money that get injured or injure a customer...

Did I want to leave? NO!!!! I'm already missing a day this week, I need the money...

Hell, one of the other drivers told me just to go out and put the wipers of the other car on right... I'm pretty sure they weren't on wrong.. Why did't she go out and make sure they were on right if she is so smart?

Didn't think so...

Chip

A new view

---

I'm involved with a support group for a problem I have.... I just received a reply to my introduction post that just blew my mind on how to handle things...

This reply told me how this person delt with her problem... Basically the same issues I'm having.. She told me that she would live for the moment and not worry about the future... Then, she figured out that if she lost her fear of the future, she could talk about the past while still living for the moment....

I need to learn to do this... I need to learn not to be afraid of what may happen.... That way, I could go to my mother and ask her why without losing my ability to live for the moment...

But for the moment, I'm in a safe place.... Living for the moment that is... Not thinking about what has happened in the past... This way, I don't have to be afraid of tomorrow...

It's been 30 years.... Maybe it is time to conquer my fear of the future and get the past behind me....

Maybe....

Chip

What the hell.... My turn...

---

B a s i c s:
1. name: Chip / Marshall / RudeDog
2. single or taken: Taken
3. sex: Male
4 . birthday: May 20th.
6. siblings: 3 sister, 1 brother
7. hair color: Brown
8. eye color: blue
9. shoe size: 11
10. height: 6'4"

R e l a t i o n s h i p s:
1. who is your best friend?: Kurt and Rich
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Wife

F a s h i o n S t u f f:
1. where is your favorite place to shop: I don't
2. any tattoos or piercings: 1 Tattoo

S p e c i f i c s:
1. do you do drugs?: nope
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Prell
3. what are you most scared of?: Life
5. who is the last person that called you?: My mom
6. where do you want to get married?: All ready married
7. what would you change about yourself?: My Pepsi and Smoking habits

F a v o r i t e s:
1. color: Orange
2. food: Pizza
3. boys names: Patric, Adam, Joshua
4. girls names: Jo dee, Kaylee, Jodi
5. subjects in school: Lunch
6. animals: Cat, Salamander
7. sports: NASCAR, Indy Wrestling, NASCAR

H a v e Y o u E v e r:
1. given anyone a bath?: Yup
2. smoked?: Still do!
3. bungee jumped?: Hell no
4. made yourself throw up?: No
5. skinny dipped?: yup
6: ever been in love?: Yup
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: nope
8. pictured your crush naked?: Constantly
9. actually seen your crush naked?: Yup
10. cried when someone died?: Yup
11. lied: Call me Pinocio
12. fallen for your best friend?: Um.....no
13. been rejected?: Too many times
14. rejected someone?: Yup
15. used someone?: Yup
16. done something you regret?: Yup

C u r r e n t:
clothes: Blue Jeans
hair: Fucked
music: ZONA - Stranglehold
make-up: Ummm... NO
desktop picture: Nothing
book youre reading: Nothing
in cd player: KORN
in dvd player: Nothing
color of toenails: Usual

L a s t P e r s o n:
you touched: tickled my daughter
hugged: My wife
you imed: BigMark
you yelled at: Val
you kissed: My wife

A r e Y o u:
understanding: Sometimes
open-minded: Sometimes
arrogant: not really
insecure: At times
interesting: i think so
random: hellz yeah
hungry: sometimes
smart: I think so
moody: Can be
hard working: Only if I like the work
organized: Not ever
healthy: Nope
shy: Yup
difficult: At times
attractive: Nope.
bored easily: Extremely
messy: Damn right
obsessed: At times

R a n d o m:
In the morning i am: Going back to sleep
all i need is: A computer
love is: Wonderful
i dream about: Winning the Lottery

O p p o s i t e S e x:
what do you notice first: Tits and Ass
last person you slow danced with: You really want me to remember that?
worst question to ask: What's wrong
who do you have a crush on: My computer
who has a crush on you: Nobody that I know of.

D o Y o u E v e r:
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to come on? Nah.
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: God, NO!
wish you were younger: Yup
cried because someone said something to you?: Yup ( when told my sister had died in a car accident )

N u m b e r of times:
i have had my heart broken: A few
of hearts i have broken: A few
of girls ive kissed: Yeah, you want me to remember that?
of guys i kissed: none
of tight friends: 3 or 4
of cds i own: Do copies on the computer count?
of scars on my body: A couple

F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s:
1. do you like filling these out?: Nope
2. gold or silver: Silver
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: The Day After Tomorrow
7. favorite cartoon/anime?: Family Guy & Simpsons
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Nothing
10. who would you love being locked in a room with right now?: My wife
11. could you live without your computer? No. No, and NO.
12. would you color your hair? I dunno, haven't needed to yet.
13. could you ever get off the computer?: If I had to
14. habla espanol? Huh?
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: Between all 3? Close to 70
16. drink alcohol? Rarely anymore.....
17. When was the last time you made plans? a few hours ago... Made plans to go to bed ;)

5:14 am

---

uhhh.... It's time for bed....

--------

Just got home from work.... Tired as hell... Rob's computer appears to be fixed... Trouble on the OGX front... Vic won't be at the show on Sunday..... Might have Mike Galloway though.... And some call in guest.... Should be interesting.... Maybe not...
Val pissed me off.... Didn't do good at all.... Booked low..... 40+ dead miles..... Crappy day....

Time for bed....

All of us...

Bad Show

Between me being extra tired from 2 hours of sleep before doing a 12 hour shift then the ATM show and just having no energy.... I thought Sunday's show went rather bad...

It doesn't help that the previous week we had an awesome show... Oh well... Probably had a lot to do with time change and me being right the fuck out of it...

-----------

Work went all right... Tried helping out a couple drivers with decent runs.... They didn't show their appreciation, so I guess I don't show them mine next time... I know I'm not supposed to give runs according to how well I'll get tipped, but you have to admit, when you know your going to get a 5.00 tip or more, it's hard not to give the more decent runs to the person that is going to do it... I think the day drivers are just too used to bad dispatching...

Night drivers I'm very fair with.... They tend to tip no matter what and nine times out of ten, they make more many than day drivers anyway... I prefer to dispatch and drive on nights...

---------

I setup my echolink system to run on a new frequency today... The Blue Water Bridge was just causing way too much interference... I found a nice reflector to connect to that has connections from New York to Washington...

Just for those that don't know what I'm talking about, here is a small intro to my other habit....

Echolink is used by licensed amateur radio operators... Of which, I just happen to be... Echolink is a program that is used in tandem with a ham radio, generally VHF or UHF (FM) to link two or more radios together via the intenernet.

The use is this:
I drive around in my truck, using my mobile radio dial up a node number by connecting via radio to my base radio. My base radio is connected to my computer which is running the echolink software and connected to the internet. Anyway, I dial up a node number anywhere in the world and connect to another link radio.. I then am able to, via the radio in my truck, talk to someone half way around the world that is in their vehical driving around.... Or, I can connect with a "reflector" and be linked up with multiple radios at once talking to people from anywhere at once... And can listen to conversations of others...

It's actually rather fun... Another mode of doing this is via PC microphone, but I am sort of against that mode since that is nothing more than being in a voice chat room... I prefer to chat with people using my radio...

Anywho, wife will be home soon and I have some finish work to do on Rob's computer before it gets shipped back to him...

See ya!

Marshall / Chip - KC8SHP

A night out

---

The wife and I went over to a friend's house and played dice.... Fun little game.. Not going to explain it though...

I hope the short break from the kids helps.... She doesn't have the ability to ignore them and they really get on her nerves... I'll have to explain my kids to you someday...

On the way home, we talked about her and her attempt to lose weight... I'm against how she wants to do it... She wants to take medication to help her... Last time she did this, she was taking many different medications... I'm afraid of her becoming a cronic pill popper... For a while she was taking pills for a million different ailments at once... Rather bothersome to me.... She doesn't do it now, I don't think, but she still has a ton of meds around the house... I'm afraid of the kids getting into them... My six year old is old enough to know how to open them.... And they can make him sick... Or kill him...

I asked her to find a more natural way to lose weight... I'm hoping she does...

I bought the patch today also... Gonna try to give up smoking.... At the same time, I'm going to make a consious attempt to cut a lot of Pepsi out of my diet.... A diet that consist of 50% Pepsi...

Should be fun...

Chip

So much, yet so little....

---

You would not believe the amount of crap I get myself into...

Let's see... today.... After waking up at noon-thirty...

I need to finish cleaning my yard, help a friend move some wood, take a shit (no TP, gotta go to store), work on a computer, and anything else that may or may not come up...

Oh, now I have to go pick up my wife who thought she would go for a really long walk with the kids... They are complaining..

I had to register a domain name for a friend and search for WHY this other computer won't boot up...

Tonight will probably be no different.... My wife and I were going to go out but I'm thinking I would rather just stay home.... I don't have a lot of money and can think of better things to do with it... Of coarse, she will probably have me order pizza...

I have to wait until my wife is back before I can go anywhere... But I have to go and pick her up... Somehow I don't think that we will be coming straight home...

Is this what journals are used for? rambling? I certainly hope so, cause I'm doing it whether you like it or not...

I think I need to turn in to RudeDog and go kill someone...


Chip

Friday night at the foozeball table

---

Or... Maybe I was in a cab and felt like the little ball that gets knocked around the foozeball table.... You know, being bounced around town....

No, actually... I was treated ok as far as my runs went.... I just didn't make any fucking money LMAO...

It was an ok night... I got to legally steal a run from the one guy that everyone hates in the company... Phil... I'm sure it was his intention to get both runs that were at a particular bar in a nearby town... But it just so happened that I was dropping off at the same place... Right at the same time...

So, the other couple just came over and jumped into my car... I also had a guy come up to me and pay a cancelation fee because he had also called a cab and ended up finding a ride.. What's funny about that is that Phil was there LONG before I was..

But, it was a slow night.... No money for the making... Another cabbie made it worth my while though.... LMAO... Made paranoid about driving home too LMAO...

---------

Kurt was invited to wrestle next month and at the same time, Above The Mat was also invited to run a show from that same event...

Kurt is to wrestle Eddie Venom... The last two times in the ring with Eddie, Kurt ended up with a tea bag ( balls accross the nose )... They are supposed to finally settle their feud.... LMAO... I told the promoter that they should have Eddie and Kurt do a 2 out of 3 bags match LMAO....

---------

Man I can't thank that cabbie enough... Made me forget about the things that haunt me for a bit... Time to go lay next to my wife and do a little titty rubbing..... Might just wake her up ;p

Chip / Marshall

Ever Wonder???

Sitting here... 1:31pm... Wondering...

Why is there air?
Why is the sky blue?
Why is the music I listen to so great to me and not you?
Why do I do what I do?
Why should I change?
Why would you want me to change?
Don't you love me for me?
What part of me disgust you?
Why won't you tell me?
Why do you put up with me?
Are you getting sick of me?
What do I need to do?
Why won't you tell me?
Why can't you talk to me?
Why won't you touch me unless we are in bed?
Why is the sky blue?
Why is there air?

[creative works by] - Chip

Why

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Dear Mom,

Why did you let him stay the night? Why did I have to be so young? Why didn't I just say no? Why were you so mean? Why was I afraid to tell you? Why did you have to make me afraid of you? Why didn't you see what he was doing to me? Oh yes, you were bowling...

Why couldn't he pick on someone else? Why was it me? I was only 5, what could I do? Why didn't you ever come into my bedroom while he was there? Oh right, he is your brother, why would he possibly want to hurt me?

Why do I still remember, 30 years later? Why does it seem like yesterday? Why, when I think of my childhood, is that the first thing to pop in my head? Why do I worry about hurting my family when my family didn't worry about hurting me? Why should I care about what happens to him now? He didn't care what happened to me then....

Why would I lose my family if I tell now? Why would they hate me? Would I be lying? Would I be looking for attention? Who would want that kind of attention?

Could someone please tell me WHY!!!!!

Love always,
Your son - Chip / Marshall / RudeDog

Umm.... AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

---

So, I decided to upgrade my host accounting software... What a freakin' nightmare... At this point in time, my accounting software is down (luckily everyone is paid)...

I really wanted to talk about something else, but the blogger site was down for a bit... (wow, I'm not the only server with issues sometimes.... YAY!!) So I decided to do some long awaited maintance on my accounting software... That'll learn me...

I'm going to bed... I have a headache...

Chip

[INSERT TITLE HERE]

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Man what a day... I woke up, posted here, went and got my truck... By the way, I did punish the truck for getting too drunk to drive home last night...

Then....

I came here and loaded up my truck with lawn bags full of leaves... There where stacked 4 wide, 5 back, and three high (figure out that equasion)... I then proceded out to the boonies to a friend's place to burn them... I got back into town late...

I'm sure my wife is pissed.... My week went like this:

Monday - work in the yard all day
Tuesday - work in the yard again, go to work all night, come home and sleep
Wednesday - wake up after my wife leaves for work, go to work before she gets home, stay and drink with Kurt, come home and go to sleep before she gets up
Today - Wake up after she is gone to work, get my truck and load it up, head out to friend's place and burn leaves all day, get home after my wife is in bed...

See, in this entire time, I haven't physically seen my wife since leaving for work on tuesday other than climbing into bed next to her... But, she will probably complain because I haven't seen her all week.... Sorry... I actually got off of my lazy ass and did something... It's rare for me to peel away from this thing... I'm suprised I don't have radiation poisoning...

Welp, I should probably go now.... She complaining about the monitor being too bright...

Chip

Need a bigger plate

A Busy Man


This crowded life of God's good giving
No man has relished more than I;
I've been so goldarned busy living
I've never had the time to die.
So busy fishing, hunting, roving,
Up on my toes and fighting fit;
So busy singing, laughing, loving,
I've never had the time to quit.

I've never been one for thinking
I've always been the action guy;
I've done my share of feasting, drinking,
And lots of wenching on the sly.
What all the blasted cosmic show meant,
I've never tried to understand;
I've always lived just for the moment,
And done the thing that came to hand.

And now I'll toddle to the garden
And light a good old Henry Clay.
I'm ninety odd, so Lord, please pardon
My frequent lapses by the way.
I'm getting tired; the sunset lingers;
The evening star serenes the sky;
The damn cigar burns to my fingers . . .
I guess . . . I'll take . . . time off . . . to die.

Robert Service

---

Uh oh... My wife called and woke me up... Started talking about walking everywhere and quitting her soda habit... It's rather ironic that happens right after an earlier writing here...

I wish I had time to join her. She wanted me to walk with her and kids to the park tonight, but I have stuff to do... I really need to get my leaves out to a friend's house and get them burned... There is no way the city is going to pick them up anytime soon.

But she is right... We do need to start doing something... I got a gut bigger than life itself and I need to get rid of it... I guess it's time to get the bikes out and fix them...

Welp, I'm currently listening to the ATM archive... You should check it out... Last week's show was the best show we had in a million years... That show only stays up for two weeks...

Welp, work to do... First things first... Call a cab and go get my truck...

Chip

The Pied Piper

Lying beside you
here in the dark
feeling your heartbeat with mines
softly you whisper
you're so sincere
how could our love be so blind?
we sailed along together
we drifted apart
I'm here, you are by my side

So now I come to you
with open arms
nothing to hide
believe what I say
so here I am
with open arms
hoping you'll see
what your love means to me
open arms

Living without you
living alone
this empty house seem so cold
wanting to hold you
wanting you near
how much I wanted you home
but now that you come back
tonight into day
I need you to stay

So now I come to you
with open arms
nothing to hide
believe what I say
so here I am
with open arms
hoping you'll see
what your love means to me
open arms

This song, if you don't already know, is Open Arms.. By the group, Journey.

This song was played last within my earshot on July 31st, 1989. Why do I remember? I remember because it was my sister's funeral it was played at.

Jodi Ellen Piper
Oct. 30, 1971 - July 29, 1989



She was killed in a car accident along with an 8 year old boy she was baby sitting. She was only 17. Jodi graduated from Port Huron High School only a month and a half before where she was part of the Big Red Marching Machine in the display flags.



She was set to start college at Farris State University and planned on becoming a surgen (sp).

She loved God, people, and everything good about the world. She spent her summers making her own money so that my parents didn't have to support her because of how tight money was at our house.

She would help anyone that asked no matter how much of an inconvenience.

After her death, I read a page from her diary about a day that Jodi, myself, my other sister Alison, and my cousin Holly went to the Algonac Pickrel Tournament carnival. I didn't have any money and my sister and cousin ran out fast. Jodi spent a lot of money that day. She wrote that she was rather bummed out that she spent all of her money on us that she was saving for something (I forget what it was), but she had had a great time and it was well worth every penny.

This is the kind of person she was. Kind, caring, forgiving, and everyone's best friend. Including mine.

She took many of my secrets to her grave that no other soul will ever know. She is my best friend. There will never be another person in my life that will ever be like her. And I sincerely hope that when I die, I will be with her once again.

A lot of people could not understand how God could take such a good person. Our theory is that she went to babysit Gregory, who died with her, until the day his parents would be there with him.

God has a plan for everyone. As much as it hurts sometimes, I will never blame him for taking her from my life without notice. I will never lose my faith in God because of her death. I know that he needed her more than we did and that she is in a better place. I know she watches over me and my family to protect us.

Jodi, if Heaven has the internet, I just want you to know that even after 15 years of being without you physically, I know you are still by my side.

I love you,
Chip

Back in Black

Nice way to start out your day.... Little bit of back in black....

Welp, another night of work out of the way.... It was a very slow night. Kurt let me gas my car at 11:30 pm and I sat and watch a little TV with him.... Then we got the urge to drink a beer.... 7 for him and 5 for me later, time to leave the truck at work and take a cab home.... Good thing I work there.. Only cost me regular price plus tip.... Hmmmm.... Still cheaper than a DUI...

I did realize one thing tonight though... 5 beers was plenty... I have a very nice glow going on.. I haven't drank since I went to Florida for the NASCAR Super Bowl (Speed Week) in Daytona...

I've been doing a lot of thinking since I started this blog on what to talk to myself about... Whether or not I should omit stuff for fear of my wife reading it or not... I decided that I won't omit anything, but I will delete my history after posting LMAO... She is a bit of a snooper when I'm not around.... She doesn't admit it, but she does...

I mean, I can honestly say that I HAVE given her reason to NOT trust me.... But still.... Privacy is privacy...

Ok, let's talk about my wife.... I love her dearly... I really do.... She is the best thing to happen to me since my birth.... Given me three beautiful children... And I would not trade my life for the world right now...

Well.. If Ted offered me a billion dollars, I would honestly say I would have to consider it.... But wouldn't you... Consider it that is... Come on... A billion dollars...

When I met my current wife, I was still married to my ex-wife.... I mean, there was nothing there anymore and was still with my wife out of convenience..... I needed a place to stay and she needed a sitter.... But when Jenny came into my life, I started looking into alternative living arrangements....

Jenny and I didn't have sex until after we were officially living together.... I'm not sure if it was because of me trying to be a gentleman or her shyness.... Possibly a mixture of the two...

Anyway, I like woman that have some meat on their bones... Skinny women might look good, but skin and bones are NOT my thing by a long shot... And Jenny was a bit chunky when we met... Don't get me wrong, she looked damn good.... After a while we had wieght discussions and I always told her I would let her know if she got bigger than I like... I mean, after three kids, you can't expect anyone to keep their shape... But you can expect them to gain some... Fact of life guys... Deal with it...

I mean, hell... I didn't mind... Her breast size increased ;-p

But lately, she has seemed like she let herself go.... Like she doesn't care about her size.... And quite honestly getting to be a little more than I like.... Don't get me wrong, I love her to death... But when she gets on top and it hurts.... It's starting to get to the breaking point... I am afraid to tell her... I don't want her to get the wrong idea... I don't want her to think that I love her any less than I did before our daughter was born and she looked GREAT....

Now she snacks all the time and it's all going to her ass and legs....

I can't say that I'm some buff beauty... I'm far from it... My weight has recently been on the rise and I realize I need to something about it before she starts to not want me... My solid spare tire is starting to spring a leak and become quite flabby... It's getting to the point that I have to bend over to see my feet....

I don't know.... Maybe I'll just keep my trap shut so that I don't cause any unwanted grief and just fix the two bikes we have.... Maybe start riding it to work to start bringing my weight down and she will do the same...

I know she knows about her weight and is very self consious about it.... But man... We need to start doing something....

Welp, I'm sure I have rambled on enough about my thoughts... This is quite lengthy.... I'm sure one day my post will become shorter as I get my thoughts out and start running out of them... But for now, expect some long ones LMAO..

Chip

Day 2, Post 2

I woke up....

I like midnights because I am a night person.... But waking up sucks...

Talking to my friend Rob for a bit... He is having computer issues... Umm... His computer won't boot up... So, he is sending it to me to fix... Granted, I'm in Michigan and he is in Maine LMAO...

Rob originally had me build the computer for him a year ago and I shipped it to him. And, he still paid less for a great computer than he would have had he bought the same one at the store or had it built locally.

This is one of the people I don't mind helping out.... Because he helps me out... It's the freeloaders that get on my nerves....

Got in an hour of Call of Duty today.... Killed a bunch of people... I feel good now...

Gotta head to work... I'm sure you will be hearing from me afterwards..

Chip - RudeDog

Ahhhh Work

Life of a rock star.... The life we all wish could live... Well, at least have the money, women, fame....

I work for City Cab in my little corner of the world... Actually, I sorta like my job.. Don't have to deal with a boss in my face, cash every night, meet neat people, and all the other fun stuff that comes with being a cabbie.... Like kicking assholes out of my car when they are no where near where I picked them up or where they want to be dropped off... :)

Anyway, tonight was a good one I guess.... Bunch of good runs for the most part.... I mean, I didn't make a lot of money, but I'm not broke either... I left early and still made enough for a carton of smokes and a full tank of gas in my truck... The people I had tonight were nice and generous when it came to the tips...

I guess I can't really complain about tonight or how I was treated by my dispatcher for once...

By the way, before I forget... Congrats to the Detroit Pistons... Showed them left coasters what a Detroit ass whoopin' feels like...

Anyway, it's 4:22 am and I need to get some sleep... Gotta work in a few hours...

Chip

WOW

Here is the first post to my little place called a blog... Allow me to introduce myself and tell you who I think I am.

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My name is (choose the one that suits your needs) Chip, Marshall, or RudeDog. I am one person with many personalities... Depending on my needs at the moment.

Chip - Husband, father, son, brother, friend, employee, everyones hurry up and fix my computer for free guy, webhosting business partner, and wanted by the police.

Marshall - technical genius wannabe, internet radio personality, the person that makes sure everything works on the road and in the dungon when people aren't spilling pop into the mic mixers, and everyones hurry up and tell me how to run an internet radio show guy.

RudeDog - Computer gamer, online genius wannebee, everyones hurry up and fix my internet problems guy.

---

Who do I think I am?

I think I'm one person that knows way more than I should. Through experiences in my life, I have learned many things. One of them being computers.... For many years, I have tried many trades trying to find my way in life only to one day discover computers. You can ask both my ex-wife and my current wife what they hated the most about me and both will say my computer. With my first computer, I called tech support about helping me install my first modem. I was on the phone with the same guy for 3 days and he taught me many things. I never called tech support again.

I played with computers constantly learning everything I could:

repair
building
dos
windows (all flavors)
web design
audio editing
image editing
3D
and currently working on linux

As I stated earlier, I am a partner in a webhosting business. Only I'm the one that is NOT silent. I'm the one everyone turns to when something needs fixing... I run the hosting website, handle the customers, and currently working on learning the backend of server maintance.

---

More personal:

I have been married twice.

First wife - Sandi
Second and current wife - Jenny

Kids - Jo dee, Patric, Adam, Joshua, Kaylee

I had one cat, Moo (short for Moolitty which was short for Malotto Kitty. He was black and white). I had him for over 10 years and the only thing I got out of my first marrige. He was the coolest cat in the world.

I have my friends, I have my good friends, and I have my close friends..

Good friends are good to have. They are awesome companions. Even though you don't hang out as much as you would a close friend or confide in them as much, they are still there when you need them. And you are there for them when they need you.

Good friends:
Dave - Vic Vanity
Tom - Twostroke
Mike - Playa
Wayde - World
Walt - Guardian
Andy - KC8SPD

Close Friends are far and inbetween. When you get a close friend, keep them by your side through thick and thin. Be there for them in their times of need and they will do the same for you. Be honest about how they make you feel and a close friend will do anything and everything they can to make the other happy.

Close friends:
Kurt - Kurt Kaoss - KC8SBX
Rich - Dick - KC8MAT
Robert - Robert

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What else can I say?

Am I happy with my life? To a point I guess.... I mean, I'm happy with my life, but I'm not... I love my wife, my kids, and I suppose I'll always have a very small spot in my heart for my ex-wife... I mean, I did marry her and have kids with her... But it will never be anything like I have now...

I value my friendship with my best friends... Even when they piss me off...

I don't know, I guess there is a ton more about me as you will someday discover in reading my life and times here... You will see when I'm down and what brings me down. You will see when I'm up and what takes me to that level.

I hope you enjoy peeking into my life's journey from this day on and seeing what makes me tick and what makes me tock....

Sincerely,
Chip, Marshall, and RudeDog