Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Second Level



The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Drama



Some times I wish I were a kid again... This way, when the big people start acting the age I wish I was, I wouldn't be so disgusted...

I'm watching one guy toss out a multi-year friendship because his new friend that does drugs with him is a piss ant... This guy I'm talking about is acting like one of his grandchildren.... Yes, he is that old...

I like this place... I get to speak my mind about stuff...

Ok, I watched friend A start a business... Accquaintance A said he would help for a small fee... Then accquaintance A finds out that he could be making more money doing the same thing.... So this A decided he is going to breach his contract and demand more money...

Now aquaintence A and friend B are good friends since way back... Way back a couple months ago way back... So.... Friend B is gonna pee in his diaper and start yelling at friend A... Now friend A and B are both friends too...

Or were...

So, now friend B is gonna start in on me...

Indirectly...

At first, I was listening to both sides of the story and keeping my tounge out of it... But now friend B wants to try some silly shit and try to claim he is the only one that ever put money into our little gaming site that friends A, B, C, and me started... When in actuality, I have money into it and so does friend A..

Nope, sorry, not gonna happen....

So I told friend B, in a not so mean way, that isn't happening.. He wants to start charging everyone for the free sites HE offered them... Geez... I flat out told him that we aren't doing that and there is nothing he can do about it... I started recently making our server payments to take some of the burden off of him, but now it's more because I don't want him out of the picture anymore...

So, in short, I'm still friends with A and C... B can go get bent... And as far as aquaintance A.. Who cares...

I don't...

Did you get all that? Hope so...

RudeDog

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Work work work



Fuckin'... Kurt Kaoss.... heh, just had to say it..

--------

Anyway, work was alright... Pissed at Ed though... Fucker said he would work for me for a few mondays and somehow forgot... Then said he couldn't come in cause his wife wasn't home... What the fuck kind of excuse is that?

LMAO, I had one fare that was called in by the police dept.... Man, I could use more like that.... 35.00 tip... Shit brotha... started out as a 6 dollar tip... then the dude handed me a ten and told me to keep that too.... He asked for a light and I figured he paid for the lighter, so I told him to keep it.... So he handed me another 20.00.... Ok... I'm gonna start giving out .89 lighters LMAO...

I also drove the only car that has the new rates in place... Made some money last night... The south side shuffle will almost be bearable now...

Almost...

I'm going to bed....

Chip

Monday, June 28, 2004

Jenny

Allow yourself to reflect upon the following questions basing your answers on a current or recent relationship.

This is not a quiz or test. There is no passing or failing grade. The purpose of the following questions is to stimulate your mind, heart and soul. Take an honest objective look at yourself, to recognize your strengths and your weaknesses in your relationships, but most important to take a good hard look at yourself and see how you can enhance the love in your life.


  • Are you happy with the way you and your partner handle household responsibilities?
    Not really... She does most of the house work and I do most of the bitching... Not fair, but I'm lazy...

  • Do you express your honest feelings to your partner?
    Most times... Only time I have a hard time with being honest is when it will be hurtful to her...

  • Do you want to improve things in your relationship, but don't know where to begin?
    Yes

  • Do you give others the "silent treatment"?
    Yes

  • Do you think that one partner's judgement is more important than the other's?
    Hmmm.. Depends on what we are talking about.

  • Do you find yourself constantly working to get love, affection and intimacy from your partner?
    Love and intimacy? No... Affection? Yes...

  • Do you shy away from conflict with your partner?
    Nope

  • When you talk to your partner about your relationship, do you feel supported and understood?
    Most times...

  • Do you give in too quickly to end an argument?
    Oh hell no...

  • Are you moody or do you have a bad temper?
    I think no, but everyone has their days...

  • Are you the jealous type?
    OH MY!!!! Very much so...

  • Is there one person in your relationship that wants sex much more often than the other?
    Yup... Me...

  • Do you believe good relationships have no conflict?
    A conflict free relationship is a fake relationship..

  • Do others complain that you spend too much or too little?
    Too much...

  • Who compromises more often, you or your partner?
    My wife...

  • Have you become emotionally cold and numb inside?
    No...

  • Are you content with your physical appearance?
    NO!!!

  • Does your partner try to control or change you?
    No...

  • Does your partner sexually fulfill you?
    If I was content with mostly at night, in bed, and the lights out... Yes... But I'm not... A surprise once in a while would be nice... But, she does know how to satisfy me very well...

  • Do you fulfill your partner's sexual needs?
    No... Wish I could, but I can't seem to...

  • Do you trust your partner?
    Yes...

  • Does your partner have all the qualities you consider important in a mate?
    YES!!!

  • At times, is your partner too overbearing?
    No....

  • Is your partner living up to his/her potential?
    And them some...

  • Do you feel that your partner is distant from you even when you are lying beside them in bed?
    Sometimes, but I know it's my insecurities that make me feel that way...

  • Do you and your partner frequently argue but fail to resolve your differences?
    I don't think so.. We get along great as far as I'm concerned...

  • Was your parent's relationship close and happy?
    Yes..

  • Are you happy with the way you and your partner handle financial issues?
    No... But I have no say in how it's handled since she makes the most money and pays the bills...

  • Have you considered leaving your partner (or have you and your partner talked about separating)?
    I have left my wife before... And regreted every second I was gone...

  • Is your partner dependable?
    Very much so...

  • Does your partner ever exclude you from decision making?
    Never...

  • Do you feel responsible when you are in conflict with your partner?
    If I know I'm in the wrong, yes...

  • Do you ask for what you need from others?
    Sometimes....

  • Is your partner an optimist or a pessimist?
    I can't say...

  • Is there physical closeness and intimacy in your relationship?
    Yes

  • Does your partner embarrass you in public?
    No...

  • Do angry outbursts and arguments occur when you and your partner discuss things ­ calm discussions seem impossible?
    Hardly ever unless I'm joking with her... But I can't say never...

  • Do you wonder where the love you and your partner used to show toward one another has gone?
    She doesn't show love.. Never really has.... I used to, but got sick of giving and never getting affection...

  • Do you and your partner communicate well?
    I think so..

  • Does your partner constantly criticize you?
    Never...

  • Do you believe romantic love fades with time?
    Nope, only gets more creative...

  • Do you and your partner argue about every little thing?
    No....

  • Can you be affectionate with your partner without it leading to sex?
    I can... But she always seems to think that all I want is sex when being affectionate...

  • Do you and your partner set aside special time to be together?
    No...

  • Do you ever seek the comfort from sources other than your partner (i.e.: from family, television, drugs, Internet friends, casual sexual encounters)?
    I have, but that leads to trouble and I've caused enough of that...

  • Do you ever neglect your relationship because of work or social responsibilities?
    I don't think so...

  • Is television an important part of your leisure time?
    No..

  • Are you jealous when your partner spends time with others?
    Yes..

  • How often do you go out on dates with your partner?
    Not near as much as I would like.... But that is mostly because of babysitter or money issues or lack of either...

  • Do you and your partner take the time to enjoy recreational activities with one another?
    Only the ones we both like... Like CoD LMAO...

  • How much time do you devote to your partner daily?
    No much...

  • How often do you go on a vacation or on special getaways alone with your partner?
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... We wish...

  • Does your family interfere with your relationship?
    No...

  • Does your partner spend too much time with family and friends?
    No...

  • How do you prioritize the following four items (with # 1 being your top priority)?
    4 - Your career (Job)
    3 - Your partner
    1 - Your family (including children)
    2 - Yourself



---------

Over the years I have put my wife through an emotional hell.. Yet, she keeps wanting me back...

I used to throw emotional bricks at her and have even hit her square in the head with 3 of them... She just tosses them aside and loves me...

Have I learned my lesson? That's a good question... I sincerely hope so... She tries so hard to make me happy, yet in the past I have tossed her aside and left like she was nothing to me...

In reality.. I love her with every ounce of love I can give... She has been nothing but good to me... Given me whatever I wanted... And for what? Nearly nothing in return... All she has ever asked of me is to love her back...

I have cheated on my wife three times... First was drunken retardation on my part that ended up producing a child.. Second was because of my need for affection that someone else was willing to give when she wouldn't... And the third was not a sexual relationship, but emotional... A friendship that got out of hand...

I regret all three.. I wish I could take them back... But I can't.. All I can do now is do everything in my power to win my wife's full ability to love me back... I'm sure I'll never regain her trust.. But that is something I will live with... All I want is for her to love me as she once did...

After the last time, she had a discussion (according to her) with another man.. This tore me up.. Still does when I think about it... I can't help but wonder if she told me the full truth about him... If all she did was talk to him on the internet... I mean hell, he only lives down the street a few city blocks... I don't know why I dwell on it.... I don't have any right to... But I do.... I can't help but think that she did let him come over and let something happen as revenge...

I mean, I trust her and believe her when she says that nothing happened and she never even told him where we live... But I go over what she told me again and again and find flaws in her story... Or maybe I'm finding flaws that aren't really there...

I also think that one of her friends convinced her that it was ok to get revenge and brought someone over or babysat while she went some where with someone.... But again, that is just my jealous side getting the best of me... I hope... She is secretive about talking to this friend.. She says it is because she knows I don't like her friend, but I think it is just an excuse... I've never stopped her from talking to this girl or said that she couldn't come over here... And this friend just happens to be the revengeful type...

I don't know... I should just stop thinking about it...

I really should...

All I have ever wanted from my wife is some playful affection like I used to do to her... I used to walk up to her and just get grabby... I can't help it... I like what I see... I like to touch... It just makes me feel that she doesn't feel the same way.... It hurts...

A lot...

I have told her this... Many times.. I've told her it makes me feel that she doesn't want me as much as I want her...

It seems to me that she seems to think all I want is sex... If she gives me that, then I will be happy... But that isn't all I want... Sure, sex is great... But I also like playful petting, or teasing... I would like to see her pull me away from a game and damn near rape me... And yes... I have told her all this too...

She says she is too shy... Afraid of rejection...

You would think that after 7 years and three kids, that this wouldn't be a problem...

You would think...

I think it is just an excuse... I think she does the things that does because she feels obligated... I don't want to be an obligation... The others didn't make me feel like an obligation... That's why what happened with them happened... I was wanted... And I liked the feeling... To be wanted... To be lusted after...

I know she loves me... I just wish she wanted me... Like I want her... I mean really want me... Not just want me enough to make me happy...

--------

Chip

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Field Day Woes



Field Day was ok... I had more fun setting up actually than I did playing radio... Don't get me wrong, I love radio... But Field Day is about contesting and I am just NOT a contester... I would rather have a long conversation with someone than try to get points.. To me, that's not what radio is about...

But, otherwise it was a good time... I talked my close friend Rich into coming out.. He hasn't been around ham radio in a while... Was good to see him get into it..

Rich wants us to get our club to run Field Day next year... So, I guess I'm gonna have to learn CW so that I can upgrade the club call since I am the trustee of it...

---------

I also had a lot of time to think over the weekend and have thought even more about telling my mom everything... But, the closer I get to actually doing it, the more I find myself in denial about who did it to me.. I mean, I know who it is, I just start thinking "what if it wasn't that person"... I should probably get to talking to my mom before I start going into denial about what happened to me...

---------

We also dropped doing the ATM show this week... This will give us 2 weeks off from the show... Kind of a needed break... Next week my family is going to my in-laws... My sister-in-law will be coming up from New Mexico... Her and my wife are very close...

I really don't like going down there... It's rather boring to me... I tend to take off over to Tom's place and do some gaming... But that gets boring too... Maybe I'll just go down and hang out... I dunno... I mean, I'll go to Tom's on Saturday, but I'll spend Sunday with the family..

We are getting a puppy too..



YAY!!!
^^^
That was sarcasm...

Actually, we aren't supposed to be having any animals at our place... We already have a cat that we aren't supposed to have...

Oh well...

Chip / Marshall

Friday, June 25, 2004

Field Day, Here we come..



Welp... Kurt, Dick, and I are getting ready to head out for a weekend of HAM RADIO!!!!

We are going to one of the biggest events in the nation for ham radio called Field Day! Should be a blast... I probably won't post here until Sunday, so...

Saw ya!

Chip

Sleepy Sleep



Man am I tired... But that age old question has been haunting me again.... Why?

I've started considering talking to my mom again about my past.. I'm having a very hard time with holding this in anymore and just want burst at the seems....

I have, however, been frequenting a support forums site and with learning that I'm not alone helps... But what really helps is knowing I'm not the only male in the world this has happened to...

My brain isn't frying over this today... Can't you tell? I'm not my usual creative self that I turn into when I'm dwelling on something soooo much that my head hurts... I really think that site is a little help...

Reading post from other people that have gone through what I have gone through and showing the same personality I have... I thought I was doing a good job of forgetting.. I'm finding out that the way I am is linked to what happened to me as a 5 year old.. I'm finding this out because I'm seeing others that have done or are doing the exact same thing I have...

I know that here I have yet to say what happened to me... I'm also sure anyone that has read this knows just by what they have read... I make the words between the lines really stand out and smack a mofo without actually typing them.. Maybe, one day I will type the words here... I really really want to.... But my fingers just won't do it... My brain is telling them to, but they just can't seem to find the keys...

One day.....




Well, on another front... As the team turns is coming right along... Playa has managed to piss off everyone but me... I don't know how... Well, him and World... They will get over it.. I hope...

2s... All Playa did was refuse to look at a picture.. Geez....

BigMark... Long story... I don't know both sides, so I can't really form an opinion..

But, Playa likes to call me and keep me informed LOL... I don't mind.. I like hearing the latest scoop...

Ok, enough of that... Bedtime...

Hey Kurt!!! See that hairy spot by daddy's ass????

Chip / RudeDog

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Something about close friends



Even though I was a bit bummed out at Kurt, I found out one thing.... He really is a close friend...

I took a movie over to the cab company and we both had a good time watching and even did a little talking about our past... Maybe we were bragging LMAO...

Can't stay mad at him if I wanted to....

Chip

What the fuck!



Man.... I got out of work early because of the brakes in the car I was driving... Kurt was pretty bummed out at me for doing it too...

I mean, what the hell?? Am I supposed to drive a car that is on the virge of losing its brakes? Am I supposed be worried about the next time I stop? I am supposed to have a mechanically sound car... Not one that I have to wonder if I'm going to be able to stop in the next time I push the brakes.... And what about the customer...

The dispatchers are more worried about getting the customer picked up in a timely fashion than they are the safety of the customer or driver... If something is wrong with the safety equipment in a car.... PARK IT!!!!!

THEN!!! Then he wanted me to get into a car that has problem with the windshield wipers... A car that someone else got out of because the wipers weren't even touching the windshield.... If the weather called for a clear night, that would not have been a problem.... But no.... We were under a severe thunderstorm warning and it had been raining on and off like a bitch...

So yes... Let's get out of a car that we might not be able to stop and get in a car that we won't be able to see the road in...

Sure, I'm missing out on money... But I would rather miss out on money that get injured or injure a customer...

Did I want to leave? NO!!!! I'm already missing a day this week, I need the money...

Hell, one of the other drivers told me just to go out and put the wipers of the other car on right... I'm pretty sure they weren't on wrong.. Why did't she go out and make sure they were on right if she is so smart?

Didn't think so...

Chip

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

A new view



I'm involved with a support group for a problem I have.... I just received a reply to my introduction post that just blew my mind on how to handle things...

This reply told me how this person delt with her problem... Basically the same issues I'm having.. She told me that she would live for the moment and not worry about the future... Then, she figured out that if she lost her fear of the future, she could talk about the past while still living for the moment....

I need to learn to do this... I need to learn not to be afraid of what may happen.... That way, I could go to my mother and ask her why without losing my ability to live for the moment...

But for the moment, I'm in a safe place.... Living for the moment that is... Not thinking about what has happened in the past... This way, I don't have to be afraid of tomorrow...

It's been 30 years.... Maybe it is time to conquer my fear of the future and get the past behind me....

Maybe....

Chip

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

What the hell.... My turn...



B a s i c s:
1. name: Chip / Marshall / RudeDog
2. single or taken: Taken
3. sex: Male
4 . birthday: May 20th.
6. siblings: 3 sister, 1 brother
7. hair color: Brown
8. eye color: blue
9. shoe size: 11
10. height: 6'4"

R e l a t i o n s h i p s:
1. who is your best friend?: Kurt and Rich
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Wife

F a s h i o n S t u f f:
1. where is your favorite place to shop: I don't
2. any tattoos or piercings: 1 Tattoo

S p e c i f i c s:
1. do you do drugs?: nope
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Prell
3. what are you most scared of?: Life
5. who is the last person that called you?: My mom
6. where do you want to get married?: All ready married
7. what would you change about yourself?: My Pepsi and Smoking habits

F a v o r i t e s:
1. color: Orange
2. food: Pizza
3. boys names: Patric, Adam, Joshua
4. girls names: Jo dee, Kaylee, Jodi
5. subjects in school: Lunch
6. animals: Cat, Salamander
7. sports: NASCAR, Indy Wrestling, NASCAR

H a v e Y o u E v e r:
1. given anyone a bath?: Yup
2. smoked?: Still do!
3. bungee jumped?: Hell no
4. made yourself throw up?: No
5. skinny dipped?: yup
6: ever been in love?: Yup
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: nope
8. pictured your crush naked?: Constantly
9. actually seen your crush naked?: Yup
10. cried when someone died?: Yup
11. lied: Call me Pinocio
12. fallen for your best friend?: Um.....no
13. been rejected?: Too many times
14. rejected someone?: Yup
15. used someone?: Yup
16. done something you regret?: Yup

C u r r e n t:
clothes: Blue Jeans
hair: Fucked
music: ZONA - Stranglehold
make-up: Ummm... NO
desktop picture: Nothing
book youre reading: Nothing
in cd player: KORN
in dvd player: Nothing
color of toenails: Usual

L a s t P e r s o n:
you touched: tickled my daughter
hugged: My wife
you imed: BigMark
you yelled at: Val
you kissed: My wife

A r e Y o u:
understanding: Sometimes
open-minded: Sometimes
arrogant: not really
insecure: At times
interesting: i think so
random: hellz yeah
hungry: sometimes
smart: I think so
moody: Can be
hard working: Only if I like the work
organized: Not ever
healthy: Nope
shy: Yup
difficult: At times
attractive: Nope.
bored easily: Extremely
messy: Damn right
obsessed: At times

R a n d o m:
In the morning i am: Going back to sleep
all i need is: A computer
love is: Wonderful
i dream about: Winning the Lottery

O p p o s i t e S e x:
what do you notice first: Tits and Ass
last person you slow danced with: You really want me to remember that?
worst question to ask: What's wrong
who do you have a crush on: My computer
who has a crush on you: Nobody that I know of.

D o Y o u E v e r:
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to come on? Nah.
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: God, NO!
wish you were younger: Yup
cried because someone said something to you?: Yup ( when told my sister had died in a car accident )

N u m b e r of times:
i have had my heart broken: A few
of hearts i have broken: A few
of girls ive kissed: Yeah, you want me to remember that?
of guys i kissed: none
of tight friends: 3 or 4
of cds i own: Do copies on the computer count?
of scars on my body: A couple

F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s:
1. do you like filling these out?: Nope
2. gold or silver: Silver
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: The Day After Tomorrow
7. favorite cartoon/anime?: Family Guy & Simpsons
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Nothing
10. who would you love being locked in a room with right now?: My wife
11. could you live without your computer? No. No, and NO.
12. would you color your hair? I dunno, haven't needed to yet.
13. could you ever get off the computer?: If I had to
14. habla espanol? Huh?
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: Between all 3? Close to 70
16. drink alcohol? Rarely anymore.....
17. When was the last time you made plans? a few hours ago... Made plans to go to bed ;)

5:14 am



uhhh.... It's time for bed....

--------

Just got home from work.... Tired as hell... Rob's computer appears to be fixed... Trouble on the OGX front... Vic won't be at the show on Sunday..... Might have Mike Galloway though.... And some call in guest.... Should be interesting.... Maybe not...
Val pissed me off.... Didn't do good at all.... Booked low..... 40+ dead miles..... Crappy day....

Time for bed....

All of us...

Monday, June 21, 2004

Bad Show

Between me being extra tired from 2 hours of sleep before doing a 12 hour shift then the ATM show and just having no energy.... I thought Sunday's show went rather bad...

It doesn't help that the previous week we had an awesome show... Oh well... Probably had a lot to do with time change and me being right the fuck out of it...

-----------

Work went all right... Tried helping out a couple drivers with decent runs.... They didn't show their appreciation, so I guess I don't show them mine next time... I know I'm not supposed to give runs according to how well I'll get tipped, but you have to admit, when you know your going to get a 5.00 tip or more, it's hard not to give the more decent runs to the person that is going to do it... I think the day drivers are just too used to bad dispatching...

Night drivers I'm very fair with.... They tend to tip no matter what and nine times out of ten, they make more many than day drivers anyway... I prefer to dispatch and drive on nights...

---------

I setup my echolink system to run on a new frequency today... The Blue Water Bridge was just causing way too much interference... I found a nice reflector to connect to that has connections from New York to Washington...

Just for those that don't know what I'm talking about, here is a small intro to my other habit....

Echolink is used by licensed amateur radio operators... Of which, I just happen to be... Echolink is a program that is used in tandem with a ham radio, generally VHF or UHF (FM) to link two or more radios together via the intenernet.

The use is this:
I drive around in my truck, using my mobile radio dial up a node number by connecting via radio to my base radio. My base radio is connected to my computer which is running the echolink software and connected to the internet. Anyway, I dial up a node number anywhere in the world and connect to another link radio.. I then am able to, via the radio in my truck, talk to someone half way around the world that is in their vehical driving around.... Or, I can connect with a "reflector" and be linked up with multiple radios at once talking to people from anywhere at once... And can listen to conversations of others...

It's actually rather fun... Another mode of doing this is via PC microphone, but I am sort of against that mode since that is nothing more than being in a voice chat room... I prefer to chat with people using my radio...

Anywho, wife will be home soon and I have some finish work to do on Rob's computer before it gets shipped back to him...

See ya!

Marshall / Chip - KC8SHP

Sunday, June 20, 2004

A night out



The wife and I went over to a friend's house and played dice.... Fun little game.. Not going to explain it though...

I hope the short break from the kids helps.... She doesn't have the ability to ignore them and they really get on her nerves... I'll have to explain my kids to you someday...

On the way home, we talked about her and her attempt to lose weight... I'm against how she wants to do it... She wants to take medication to help her... Last time she did this, she was taking many different medications... I'm afraid of her becoming a cronic pill popper... For a while she was taking pills for a million different ailments at once... Rather bothersome to me.... She doesn't do it now, I don't think, but she still has a ton of meds around the house... I'm afraid of the kids getting into them... My six year old is old enough to know how to open them.... And they can make him sick... Or kill him...

I asked her to find a more natural way to lose weight... I'm hoping she does...

I bought the patch today also... Gonna try to give up smoking.... At the same time, I'm going to make a consious attempt to cut a lot of Pepsi out of my diet.... A diet that consist of 50% Pepsi...

Should be fun...

Chip

Saturday, June 19, 2004

So much, yet so little....



You would not believe the amount of crap I get myself into...

Let's see... today.... After waking up at noon-thirty...

I need to finish cleaning my yard, help a friend move some wood, take a shit (no TP, gotta go to store), work on a computer, and anything else that may or may not come up...

Oh, now I have to go pick up my wife who thought she would go for a really long walk with the kids... They are complaining..

I had to register a domain name for a friend and search for WHY this other computer won't boot up...

Tonight will probably be no different.... My wife and I were going to go out but I'm thinking I would rather just stay home.... I don't have a lot of money and can think of better things to do with it... Of coarse, she will probably have me order pizza...

I have to wait until my wife is back before I can go anywhere... But I have to go and pick her up... Somehow I don't think that we will be coming straight home...

Is this what journals are used for? rambling? I certainly hope so, cause I'm doing it whether you like it or not...

I think I need to turn in to RudeDog and go kill someone...


Chip

Friday night at the foozeball table




Or... Maybe I was in a cab and felt like the little ball that gets knocked around the foozeball table.... You know, being bounced around town....

No, actually... I was treated ok as far as my runs went.... I just didn't make any fucking money LMAO...

It was an ok night... I got to legally steal a run from the one guy that everyone hates in the company... Phil... I'm sure it was his intention to get both runs that were at a particular bar in a nearby town... But it just so happened that I was dropping off at the same place... Right at the same time...

So, the other couple just came over and jumped into my car... I also had a guy come up to me and pay a cancelation fee because he had also called a cab and ended up finding a ride.. What's funny about that is that Phil was there LONG before I was..

But, it was a slow night.... No money for the making... Another cabbie made it worth my while though.... LMAO... Made paranoid about driving home too LMAO...

---------

Kurt was invited to wrestle next month and at the same time, Above The Mat was also invited to run a show from that same event...

Kurt is to wrestle Eddie Venom... The last two times in the ring with Eddie, Kurt ended up with a tea bag ( balls accross the nose )... They are supposed to finally settle their feud.... LMAO... I told the promoter that they should have Eddie and Kurt do a 2 out of 3 bags match LMAO....

---------

Man I can't thank that cabbie enough... Made me forget about the things that haunt me for a bit... Time to go lay next to my wife and do a little titty rubbing..... Might just wake her up ;p

Chip / Marshall

Friday, June 18, 2004

Ever Wonder???

Sitting here... 1:31pm... Wondering...

Why is there air?
Why is the sky blue?
Why is the music I listen to so great to me and not you?
Why do I do what I do?
Why should I change?
Why would you want me to change?
Don't you love me for me?
What part of me disgust you?
Why won't you tell me?
Why do you put up with me?
Are you getting sick of me?
What do I need to do?
Why won't you tell me?
Why can't you talk to me?
Why won't you touch me unless we are in bed?
Why is the sky blue?
Why is there air?

[creative works by] - Chip

Why



Dear Mom,

Why did you let him stay the night? Why did I have to be so young? Why didn't I just say no? Why were you so mean? Why was I afraid to tell you? Why did you have to make me afraid of you? Why didn't you see what he was doing to me? Oh yes, you were bowling...

Why couldn't he pick on someone else? Why was it me? I was only 5, what could I do? Why didn't you ever come into my bedroom while he was there? Oh right, he is your brother, why would he possibly want to hurt me?

Why do I still remember, 30 years later? Why does it seem like yesterday? Why, when I think of my childhood, is that the first thing to pop in my head? Why do I worry about hurting my family when my family didn't worry about hurting me? Why should I care about what happens to him now? He didn't care what happened to me then....

Why would I lose my family if I tell now? Why would they hate me? Would I be lying? Would I be looking for attention? Who would want that kind of attention?

Could someone please tell me WHY!!!!!

Love always,
Your son - Chip / Marshall / RudeDog

Umm.... AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!



So, I decided to upgrade my host accounting software... What a freakin' nightmare... At this point in time, my accounting software is down (luckily everyone is paid)...

I really wanted to talk about something else, but the blogger site was down for a bit... (wow, I'm not the only server with issues sometimes.... YAY!!) So I decided to do some long awaited maintance on my accounting software... That'll learn me...

I'm going to bed... I have a headache...

Chip

[INSERT TITLE HERE]



Man what a day... I woke up, posted here, went and got my truck... By the way, I did punish the truck for getting too drunk to drive home last night...

Then....

I came here and loaded up my truck with lawn bags full of leaves... There where stacked 4 wide, 5 back, and three high (figure out that equasion)... I then proceded out to the boonies to a friend's place to burn them... I got back into town late...

I'm sure my wife is pissed.... My week went like this:

Monday - work in the yard all day
Tuesday - work in the yard again, go to work all night, come home and sleep
Wednesday - wake up after my wife leaves for work, go to work before she gets home, stay and drink with Kurt, come home and go to sleep before she gets up
Today - Wake up after she is gone to work, get my truck and load it up, head out to friend's place and burn leaves all day, get home after my wife is in bed...

See, in this entire time, I haven't physically seen my wife since leaving for work on tuesday other than climbing into bed next to her... But, she will probably complain because I haven't seen her all week.... Sorry... I actually got off of my lazy ass and did something... It's rare for me to peel away from this thing... I'm suprised I don't have radiation poisoning...

Welp, I should probably go now.... She complaining about the monitor being too bright...

Chip

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Need a bigger plate

A Busy Man


This crowded life of God's good giving
No man has relished more than I;
I've been so goldarned busy living
I've never had the time to die.
So busy fishing, hunting, roving,
Up on my toes and fighting fit;
So busy singing, laughing, loving,
I've never had the time to quit.

I've never been one for thinking
I've always been the action guy;
I've done my share of feasting, drinking,
And lots of wenching on the sly.
What all the blasted cosmic show meant,
I've never tried to understand;
I've always lived just for the moment,
And done the thing that came to hand.

And now I'll toddle to the garden
And light a good old Henry Clay.
I'm ninety odd, so Lord, please pardon
My frequent lapses by the way.
I'm getting tired; the sunset lingers;
The evening star serenes the sky;
The damn cigar burns to my fingers . . .
I guess . . . I'll take . . . time off . . . to die.

Robert Service




Uh oh... My wife called and woke me up... Started talking about walking everywhere and quitting her soda habit... It's rather ironic that happens right after an earlier writing here...

I wish I had time to join her. She wanted me to walk with her and kids to the park tonight, but I have stuff to do... I really need to get my leaves out to a friend's house and get them burned... There is no way the city is going to pick them up anytime soon.

But she is right... We do need to start doing something... I got a gut bigger than life itself and I need to get rid of it... I guess it's time to get the bikes out and fix them...

Welp, I'm currently listening to the ATM archive... You should check it out... Last week's show was the best show we had in a million years... That show only stays up for two weeks...

Welp, work to do... First things first... Call a cab and go get my truck...

Chip

The Pied Piper

Lying beside you
here in the dark
feeling your heartbeat with mines
softly you whisper
you're so sincere
how could our love be so blind?
we sailed along together
we drifted apart
I'm here, you are by my side

So now I come to you
with open arms
nothing to hide
believe what I say
so here I am
with open arms
hoping you'll see
what your love means to me
open arms

Living without you
living alone
this empty house seem so cold
wanting to hold you
wanting you near
how much I wanted you home
but now that you come back
tonight into day
I need you to stay

So now I come to you
with open arms
nothing to hide
believe what I say
so here I am
with open arms
hoping you'll see
what your love means to me
open arms

This song, if you don't already know, is Open Arms.. By the group, Journey.

This song was played last within my earshot on July 31st, 1989. Why do I remember? I remember because it was my sister's funeral it was played at.

Jodi Ellen Piper
Oct. 30, 1971 - July 29, 1989



She was killed in a car accident along with an 8 year old boy she was baby sitting. She was only 17. Jodi graduated from Port Huron High School only a month and a half before where she was part of the Big Red Marching Machine in the display flags.



She was set to start college at Farris State University and planned on becoming a surgen (sp).

She loved God, people, and everything good about the world. She spent her summers making her own money so that my parents didn't have to support her because of how tight money was at our house.

She would help anyone that asked no matter how much of an inconvenience.

After her death, I read a page from her diary about a day that Jodi, myself, my other sister Alison, and my cousin Holly went to the Algonac Pickrel Tournament carnival. I didn't have any money and my sister and cousin ran out fast. Jodi spent a lot of money that day. She wrote that she was rather bummed out that she spent all of her money on us that she was saving for something (I forget what it was), but she had had a great time and it was well worth every penny.

This is the kind of person she was. Kind, caring, forgiving, and everyone's best friend. Including mine.

She took many of my secrets to her grave that no other soul will ever know. She is my best friend. There will never be another person in my life that will ever be like her. And I sincerely hope that when I die, I will be with her once again.

A lot of people could not understand how God could take such a good person. Our theory is that she went to babysit Gregory, who died with her, until the day his parents would be there with him.

God has a plan for everyone. As much as it hurts sometimes, I will never blame him for taking her from my life without notice. I will never lose my faith in God because of her death. I know that he needed her more than we did and that she is in a better place. I know she watches over me and my family to protect us.

Jodi, if Heaven has the internet, I just want you to know that even after 15 years of being without you physically, I know you are still by my side.

I love you,
Chip


Back in Black

Nice way to start out your day.... Little bit of back in black....

Welp, another night of work out of the way.... It was a very slow night. Kurt let me gas my car at 11:30 pm and I sat and watch a little TV with him.... Then we got the urge to drink a beer.... 7 for him and 5 for me later, time to leave the truck at work and take a cab home.... Good thing I work there.. Only cost me regular price plus tip.... Hmmmm.... Still cheaper than a DUI...

I did realize one thing tonight though... 5 beers was plenty... I have a very nice glow going on.. I haven't drank since I went to Florida for the NASCAR Super Bowl (Speed Week) in Daytona...

I've been doing a lot of thinking since I started this blog on what to talk to myself about... Whether or not I should omit stuff for fear of my wife reading it or not... I decided that I won't omit anything, but I will delete my history after posting LMAO... She is a bit of a snooper when I'm not around.... She doesn't admit it, but she does...

I mean, I can honestly say that I HAVE given her reason to NOT trust me.... But still.... Privacy is privacy...

Ok, let's talk about my wife.... I love her dearly... I really do.... She is the best thing to happen to me since my birth.... Given me three beautiful children... And I would not trade my life for the world right now...

Well.. If Ted offered me a billion dollars, I would honestly say I would have to consider it.... But wouldn't you... Consider it that is... Come on... A billion dollars...

When I met my current wife, I was still married to my ex-wife.... I mean, there was nothing there anymore and was still with my wife out of convenience..... I needed a place to stay and she needed a sitter.... But when Jenny came into my life, I started looking into alternative living arrangements....

Jenny and I didn't have sex until after we were officially living together.... I'm not sure if it was because of me trying to be a gentleman or her shyness.... Possibly a mixture of the two...

Anyway, I like woman that have some meat on their bones... Skinny women might look good, but skin and bones are NOT my thing by a long shot... And Jenny was a bit chunky when we met... Don't get me wrong, she looked damn good.... After a while we had wieght discussions and I always told her I would let her know if she got bigger than I like... I mean, after three kids, you can't expect anyone to keep their shape... But you can expect them to gain some... Fact of life guys... Deal with it...

I mean, hell... I didn't mind... Her breast size increased ;-p

But lately, she has seemed like she let herself go.... Like she doesn't care about her size.... And quite honestly getting to be a little more than I like.... Don't get me wrong, I love her to death... But when she gets on top and it hurts.... It's starting to get to the breaking point... I am afraid to tell her... I don't want her to get the wrong idea... I don't want her to think that I love her any less than I did before our daughter was born and she looked GREAT....

Now she snacks all the time and it's all going to her ass and legs....

I can't say that I'm some buff beauty... I'm far from it... My weight has recently been on the rise and I realize I need to something about it before she starts to not want me... My solid spare tire is starting to spring a leak and become quite flabby... It's getting to the point that I have to bend over to see my feet....

I don't know.... Maybe I'll just keep my trap shut so that I don't cause any unwanted grief and just fix the two bikes we have.... Maybe start riding it to work to start bringing my weight down and she will do the same...

I know she knows about her weight and is very self consious about it.... But man... We need to start doing something....

Welp, I'm sure I have rambled on enough about my thoughts... This is quite lengthy.... I'm sure one day my post will become shorter as I get my thoughts out and start running out of them... But for now, expect some long ones LMAO..

Chip

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Day 2, Post 2

I woke up....

I like midnights because I am a night person.... But waking up sucks...

Talking to my friend Rob for a bit... He is having computer issues... Umm... His computer won't boot up... So, he is sending it to me to fix... Granted, I'm in Michigan and he is in Maine LMAO...

Rob originally had me build the computer for him a year ago and I shipped it to him. And, he still paid less for a great computer than he would have had he bought the same one at the store or had it built locally.

This is one of the people I don't mind helping out.... Because he helps me out... It's the freeloaders that get on my nerves....

Got in an hour of Call of Duty today.... Killed a bunch of people... I feel good now...

Gotta head to work... I'm sure you will be hearing from me afterwards..

Chip - RudeDog

Ahhhh Work

Life of a rock star.... The life we all wish could live... Well, at least have the money, women, fame....

I work for City Cab in my little corner of the world... Actually, I sorta like my job.. Don't have to deal with a boss in my face, cash every night, meet neat people, and all the other fun stuff that comes with being a cabbie.... Like kicking assholes out of my car when they are no where near where I picked them up or where they want to be dropped off... :)

Anyway, tonight was a good one I guess.... Bunch of good runs for the most part.... I mean, I didn't make a lot of money, but I'm not broke either... I left early and still made enough for a carton of smokes and a full tank of gas in my truck... The people I had tonight were nice and generous when it came to the tips...

I guess I can't really complain about tonight or how I was treated by my dispatcher for once...

By the way, before I forget... Congrats to the Detroit Pistons... Showed them left coasters what a Detroit ass whoopin' feels like...

Anyway, it's 4:22 am and I need to get some sleep... Gotta work in a few hours...

Chip

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

WOW



Here is the first post to my little place called a blog... Allow me to introduce myself and tell you who I think I am.


My name is (choose the one that suits your needs) Chip, Marshall, or RudeDog. I am one person with many personalities... Depending on my needs at the moment.

Chip - Husband, father, son, brother, friend, employee, everyones hurry up and fix my computer for free guy, webhosting business partner, and wanted by the police.

Marshall - technical genius wannabe, internet radio personality, the person that makes sure everything works on the road and in the dungon when people aren't spilling pop into the mic mixers, and everyones hurry up and tell me how to run an internet radio show guy.

RudeDog - Computer gamer, online genius wannebee, everyones hurry up and fix my internet problems guy.



Who do I think I am?

I think I'm one person that knows way more than I should. Through experiences in my life, I have learned many things. One of them being computers.... For many years, I have tried many trades trying to find my way in life only to one day discover computers. You can ask both my ex-wife and my current wife what they hated the most about me and both will say my computer. With my first computer, I called tech support about helping me install my first modem. I was on the phone with the same guy for 3 days and he taught me many things. I never called tech support again.

I played with computers constantly learning everything I could:

repair
building
dos
windows (all flavors)
web design
audio editing
image editing
3D
and currently working on linux

As I stated earlier, I am a partner in a webhosting business. Only I'm the one that is NOT silent. I'm the one everyone turns to when something needs fixing... I run the hosting website, handle the customers, and currently working on learning the backend of server maintance.


More personal:

I have been married twice.

First wife - Sandi
Second and current wife - Jenny

Kids - Jo dee, Patric, Adam, Joshua, Kaylee

I had one cat, Moo (short for Moolitty which was short for Malotto Kitty. He was black and white). I had him for over 10 years and the only thing I got out of my first marrige. He was the coolest cat in the world.

I have my friends, I have my good friends, and I have my close friends..

Good friends are good to have. They are awesome companions. Even though you don't hang out as much as you would a close friend or confide in them as much, they are still there when you need them. And you are there for them when they need you.

Good friends:
Dave - Vic Vanity
Tom - Twostroke
Mike - Playa
Wayde - World
Walt - Guardian
Andy - KC8SPD

Close Friends are far and inbetween. When you get a close friend, keep them by your side through thick and thin. Be there for them in their times of need and they will do the same for you. Be honest about how they make you feel and a close friend will do anything and everything they can to make the other happy.

Close friends:
Kurt - Kurt Kaoss - KC8SBX
Rich - Dick - KC8MAT
Robert - Robert


What else can I say?

Am I happy with my life? To a point I guess.... I mean, I'm happy with my life, but I'm not... I love my wife, my kids, and I suppose I'll always have a very small spot in my heart for my ex-wife... I mean, I did marry her and have kids with her... But it will never be anything like I have now...

I value my friendship with my best friends... Even when they piss me off...

I don't know, I guess there is a ton more about me as you will someday discover in reading my life and times here... You will see when I'm down and what brings me down. You will see when I'm up and what takes me to that level.

I hope you enjoy peeking into my life's journey from this day on and seeing what makes me tick and what makes me tock....

Sincerely,
Chip, Marshall, and RudeDog